Getting answers.......

Finally we're getting some answers in regard to my youngest and why he is catching everything under the sun for the last few years and why his immune system it out of whack. A reason that I had suspected since all of this started, he is in fact my mini-me. But at least now with him the trigger to all of this is starting to take shape, and when looking back to my own childhood...knowing what I know that my doctors and parents didn't realize at the time, is that Kyle and I also shared having suffered from childhood post traumatic stress disorder. 

If you ever doubted that stress can wreck havoc on someone's health, then stop and pay attention - because now I know for sure it can and will to anyone suffering an unsurmountable amount of stress, especially when there's been a trauma.  It doesn't matter how old you are, or how society thinks children will always bounce back and can adjust, stress is a poison to all it touches. 

Like me Kyle's system has always been weakened due to allergies -we're just about allergic to everything organic under the sun -so our immune systems are always battling something. Most times we don't even notice it, and if we do it's just part of our normal day to day world. 

But also like me, Kyle tends to be a thinker...a worrier and one with a huge heart that is also a people pleaser. We're the types that can easily make friends and bond with others, especially when we can feel another's joy or pain. I don't believe that is something a person learns, I think it's ingrained in them as much as the ability to draw, or understand complex mathematics. It's who we are, we're both stubborn and creative thinkers and deep emotional analyzers. Yes, we both can be a pain in the ass but also that passionate advocate you want by your side when you've been wronged. A special gift handed down to us from my father. 

I see now in Kyle a lot of the whys of what I went through medically as a child. Two years ago when all of this triggered...when cold after cold...sore throats and fevers...weird blood test results and doctors scratching their heads started, was also during a time when the children and I were going through a traumatic life event...I am not even sure you can call it a life event, because it's not something that many will ever have to deal with.  Our lives we turned upside down.

It was two years ago when I was away from home working two jobs ...one part time and one full time..but we still struggled to have food in the house because I didn't qualify for any state programs. My $9 an hour full time job, along with that extra 50 a week from the part time job put us over the line in their data base.  The boys went from having me with them all the time, to gone all the time in what seemed like over night. Then of course we were also dealing with the justice system and court dates...court date after court date. All to send the father they grew up with to prison for sexually, physically and emotionally assaulting me, in front of them. 

This all came within the short period of their father falling off the wagon of sobriety for almost 10 years, them growing up never really knowing he was a recovering alcoholic, and also just after the grandmother that had basically lived with them since birth died.  For those few years it was like getting punched in the stomach every day when we woke up...to the point we were like walking zombies just trying to get to the next day.  The three of us...a team trying to survive. 

Kyle had to be ripped away from the only school he ever knew because without his father's income I could no longer afford to send him to Catholic school. Every aspect of the world he knew was changed without him having a say. 

Needless to say...stress was everywhere and still is in so many ways.... 

We went from a comfortable existence to poverty ...all in what seems like overnight. 

All of us ended up with a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. 

The only counseling we could attain for it was through the county. I didn't have a car nor the means to seek out other counseling an hour away. Now this isn't a jab at the counselors here, but looking back I don't think they were really equipped to deal with our situation - and one advocate I had from a domestic violence advocacy organization warned me about that, however before she was able to help us find someone who could and the means to get there....she became ill and had to leave her position. 

And that is when all these medical issues with Kyle slowly started appearing...they crept up on us..piling on to what we now have...a child with an immune system out of whack and the years of stress taking their toll. 

Looking back to my own childhood I can now see a connection. I started becoming ill...that enlarged spleen...those unexplained blood tests...all when I was keeping a deep dark secret of being molested. 

Like with Kyle, no one would ever believe that stress we kept hidden in our soul and the toll it was taking on our bodies as we are those friendly people who can make friends easily and can express ourselves on so many creative ways. 

Now that I can see this for what it all is, my heart breaks because as a mother I am not sure how I can fix it. There's nothing that I can do to erase that trauma my child suffered all I can do is keep trying to build better tomorrows for him. 

They tell me I've made all the right steps....I talk with my children about feelings...we are part of our community...we laugh and cry together - I am a proactive parent as much I am humanly able to be,  But no matter what steps I do now, there's nothing that will replace that trauma we all suffered and still suffer from. 


So the next time you know of a child that has suffered some trauma, please don't assume that because they are a child "they will just bounce back...because after all children are resilient like that" .. that is a comment reserved for an adult's hope, not really a statement of fact. 

As for Kyle...yes we're getting some answers on why all of this triggered and there will probably be some more visits to specialist to get that immune system back under control - 

Somehow through all of this, I still have faith and believe everything does happen for a reason...even if it has touched my child...a positive will somehow expose itself and a lesson will be learned...

But in the mean time...

If you are like me, and live in an area filled with poverty, high rates of domestic violence and alcoholism as well as a school system with low test scores and filled with children coming from these toxic homes, don't assume to know the answers - step back and please try to take in the entire picture - it's the only way a community will ever survive and break the cycle of dysfunctions.  Every aspect of life feeds into that cycle...from low paying jobs, to passing judgments on character and morals. 



And please educate yourself on what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is..in adults and in children:


A little FYI: 
A PTSD Fact Sheet
"Headaches, gastrointestinal complaints, immune system problems, dizziness, chest pain, and discomfort in other parts of the body are common in people with PTSD. Often, medical doctors treat the symptoms without being aware that they stem from PTSD."

And please educate yourself on what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is..in adults and in children: