Hope whispers during the dark nights

I caught a lot of hate for covering high profile cases in a small community - like the Coughlin brothers from Lyndon and their victims of child sexual assault seeking justice. 

Patrick Gage being allowed to live in the Grand Cayman Islands while his case went to trial. A prosecutor advocating for the defendant saying (from memory) to the judge that we could just hunt him down if he skips...which HE DID  - Hello America's Most Wanted... 

Throw in a couple of educators, a pastor or two, and that funeral director dude from Wonewoc being charged with child porn but the screaming at me stopped after he was also charged with theft of funds from the families of the deceased. 

I always understood the hate. I understood it because I also lived it within my own family from telling my own story on my blog. They hated that I dared to open up like that - share my own struggles as a survivor of so much.  

It is the same dynamic at play in both situations, shame and fear. 

For me it was a chance to try to educate a community on how wide spread these crimes against children are - how close to home they exist and how each of those survivors like our society screams, deserves justice. Justice doesn't just mean a guilty verdict and sentencing, it also means a strong safety net of resources and care for the survivors, throughout their lives, as their healing journey will last their lifetime and come into play during future and unexpected chapters in their lives. They are Veterans from a battle like no other, one for their soul, and they too have complex PTSD. 

Then, of course, as we know when it comes to CSA, it is often progressive and starts young in life....the number of victims and the degree of physical harm, increase...especially in the darkness of secrets. 

The dynamics of it all, I understood - even for the families of perpetrators..they were hurting too. Their pains also surfaced as statistics suggest, they too came from a cycle of dysfunction, and most likely were still spinning in their own pains. 

I never received joy from covering those types of cases going through the system - I cannot even count the number of times of having to keep a churning stomach from vomiting while I read those case files.  Those poor children... 

It is hard to face our dark shadows, any of us and we all have them.  Maybe I did force a community to look at theirs while I walked my own path, but damn it, it was needed. The residual domino effect was throughout that community - the drug problems, the alcoholism, the domestic violence, the homelessness, the hunger, the poverty all conveniently intertwined among the beauty of the landscape....much like some of the homes in that community, standing so grand with history and behind that beautiful Victorian door were nightmares. 

The focus brought about some positive changes, whether those want to admit it or not - existing community organizations were highlighted, new ones came about out of the much needed attention - it gave the community a chance to repair and fill in the gaps of their foundation for those children, for all children to have a better chance at succeeding..healing their own dark shadows before they took hold on their soul.  We all worked to bring light to the dark nights - hope. 

Hope is something I've needed all my life and sometimes I had to fight to find it, or somehow worked to create it for my own self. It is my journey's life blood, without I will be lost in my own pains. 

I don't know why all of this is on my mind this morning. Maybe it is the hate I've felt from others for being myself - that's hard on a person, ya know?  But, I refuse to wear a disguise to hide behind, it clouds my vision for hope. 

Anyways...

This was a long coffee thought this morning as I try to decide what to do with my day.....

Take from it what you want...it's just my own experience needing a place to breathe. 

Oh, it is worthy to note that since there is no longer the attention on such crimes and the need for resources, the once Juneau County Coalition Against Domestic Violence, Child and Elder Abuse and Sexual Assault a community coordinated response (CCR), has disbanded - but I guarantee the need for focus and attention to the wounds created have not diminished. If there is a new group - let me know. 

Be Well. 💜💜💜

Image by Joe from Pixabay