Imperfect Chains - in a world of triggers please remember
We are all victims of this mess. And every time you reach out you reach out to bias - you know that, and those self-doubts will freeze you in place, along with whatever fears you have from homelessness to even less.
Fear and society are often the chains.
There is no such thing as a perfect domestic violence relationship. Every relationship holds its own mess by two wounds linking together -that is a given. But no life has the right to take another human life at the hands of anger - and whatever justification they think they may have - if you live in fear of threats against your life and actions towards your life, you are living in a soon-to-be forensic scene.
Maybe it happened before - a knife pulled out (it was right there, right?) or that whisper in your ear (perhaps rather a calm statement out loud) "you will die" , maybe you allowed that to pass by once as a one-off thing but you know that echo remained - I don't care if you let it slide before, please save your life.
I don't care if you've screamed or broke their stuff maybe said something ignorant, called their Mama whatever, ... whatever fits your situation - no one has the right to murder another.
It's scarier than hell right now out in the real world. I am also seeing more headlines on this topic - all of that is enough to keep someone frozen in place so I urge communities and individuals to recognize these things within your communities -
Victims do not match a certain look or specific demographic - they come from all walks, all situations, and all abilities. Certain demographics are more vulnerable given their situation like for instance the disabled. Remember that, please. Often the very safety nets we create out of good intent, widen the holes in others. Group efforts tend to prioritize need by demographics - women, children, religion, minority and/or low income, believing there is something out there for the others, and there is not. That alone creates a divide and more perpetual spirals out of control.
Lethality Assessment
Yes, it is harder than it seems - I KNOW. I landed in a toxic relationship (shocker) that took two decades and then some. Wounds clashing. I know the fears - I know it's messy - I know you are terrified and feel so alone, even in a crowd. Anyone who lives or has lived in one, knows. But think of it in these terms - something many in this country find absolutely appalling and cannot wrap their heads around, honor killings. The family participates, much like in a typical American dysfunctional family. Look at the layers within our own society - there's not much difference in the dynamics, and both end with a tragic result.
But there is a common nefarious defense by perpetrators that links these cases of violence against women in the U.S and those acts called honor crimes in the Middle East and South Asia.
In both arenas, the woman who transgresses the boundaries of what men will accept has to be punished. And the men doing the punishing are from her domestic world.
Yes - it is that serious! And I am going to go further than that excerpt - men can and have been victims, as the perp, the victim and or a combo - just it has been to a lesser degree as in our society men have had the vast majority of rights, wealth, and power.
Regardless of the skin your soul carries, the gender your light gives off - how long or short you've been with that person - and no matter how messy it was, murder should not be the last "I do" ...please, reach out.
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