Society Tugs - Morning Coffee Thoughts
Maybe my nerves are raw -
But, I've been feeling it more and more- those societal tugs.
We don't converse -have dialogues.
That's gone. It feels like watching a bad marriage in slow motion.
It churns in my stomach like a kid hiding under the kitchen table to keep safe from the explosions happening within a home. It's gross.
I've had enough of that drama in my life -
History is exhausting.
Especially while creating it.
I just decided an hour ago I am not going to actively take part in social media right now.
We're on there either singing to the choir, arguing with others, or pretending you're above it all.
There was a time I felt it was a connection to the outside world - and then my job depended on it.
That was then- this is now.
This blog started out upon a suggestion from someone who urged me to start one. Looking back it feels more like a set-up ;) I really didn't know what to do with it and before I knew it, it became an online journal for me. For that it was healing. This blog was the first time I shared my CSA experiences, openly and not 1:1 with the few who knew prior. Little did I know then what I know now about those experiences and more.
I'm going to go back just using it for myself and healing - whatever that may contain, healthwise and otherwise. If others find it helpful, great. If not, it will remain my creative outlet. When I write on here, it will be for me not others -I think I need that.
I'm just glad the work I've been doing has gotten me writing again. It's been hard for a long while now-whether it was pain, fingers freezing up on me, or brain fog from a multitude of things, I wasn't able to find words, they stopped flowing - a spiral of devastation followed.
AI actually helped to pull me through it from medical research and advocacy to helping me want to write on my own enough by pulling me out of the hole with assistance - not judgment, as society tends to do. Working on those Pigtail Monster stories did it - and now I am back trying on my own through the pain and frustrations, but better than I was even a year ago. For that I am grateful even if no one else understands. Now I mainly use it for research guidance, editing and song suggestions when I draw a blank.
So, I am going to try to write more on here, and almost nothing on social media. I think it may be healthier.
Time will tell...
Enjoy your Friday!
Be Well 💜💜💜
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