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Showing posts from October, 2016

Life as a survivor - PTSD and the elections

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Well, yes, it happened. This damn presidential election and the news tied to the campaigns triggered something in me that has not happened in a very long time; POST TRAUMATIC EFFING STRESS DISORDER.  Do I sound bitter? Maybe I am and that is because when you experience an episode of PTSD after many years of not having to deal with the symptoms, it is a slap in the face on just how human and flawed even the strongest of survivors are - a little wake up call.  One positive in all of this is I knew what was happening to me as it was happening, unlike how I spent most of my life when the flashbacks would immobilize me with fear. I knew I needed to just let the memories play out and I would be back to myself again. They needed an outlet as the triggers were too many and everywhere I turned.  Knowing this kept me from having a full-fledged panic/anxiety attack. Something I haven't experienced in a very long time now. Yesterday the PTSD punched me in the gut. I cannot ev

My son said I need to go out and speak out - use my voice.

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Kyle Roberts-my Baby Boy This year I am experiencing many changes in my life. My youngest has graduated from high school and is about to head off out into the world for a career in music. With him will go his best friend Gabe and also my eldest son Justin. The trio will travel down to Memphis and Kyle will do what he does best. He will perform the music of his soul...Blues, Jazz and  some Folk music. There will also be some Adult Contemporary. With Kyle, it is wherever his emotions take him. It is music that will give the listener a glimpse into who he is and the life he has walked these past 18 years. Justin Roberts- my 1st Baby Boy I am an extremely proud mother. I am also a little apprehensive as this is the first time ever I will be separated from my children. Both at the same time. An empty nester, literally, overnight. All of this is hitting as some other stressors pile on. God is testing my strength this coming winter and on just about every front. I feel a

Safety in Numbers - #WhenIBecameFree

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Why do you believe me when I tell you I've been a victim of sexual assault, multiple times?  What makes my words credible to you?  Over the years I've laid out my story on the pages of this blog, and up to my recounting the last attack in August of 2007 where I audio recorded the hour-long attack, I have no proof.  No proof other than my memories I voice.  So, why do you believe me?  Why do you believe I was molested at the age of 5 by a 16 yr old neighbor? Or that a veteran of the Vietnam War, also a neighbor, molested me a number of times?  Why do you believe that also at the age of 9 I was molested by someone extremely close to my family (not blood-related)?  Then as a teen the boyfriend of the woman I was babysitting for came home drunk and assaulted me....why do you believe me? Is it because the only one I ever named was my ex-husband - and because I had the proof in an audio file?  Is that the only assault you believe happened to me?  The others I

Campaign wars... Dear Sexual Assault Survivor....

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Dear Sexual Assault Survivor -  I know you're hurting, especially if you have never come forward, and I know that right now our country's political tone and climate is adding to your pain.  You're seeing all the flippant remarks on social media and in the news from some of the most influential and powerful.  The ignorant comments about a crime you know all to well even though there's never been a guilty verdict- and no justice has been served. A crime that has robbed you of your voice and quite possibly your soul. Each time you see or hear comments of "prove it" ..."she asked for it."... "she's a liar" ...a little piece of you dies as you cringe into the dark memories of your own experience - your truth.  I want you to know there are many fellow survivors walking the same path or have walked it at some point. I want you to know we believe you and there is a community of us who will be there for you when you're ready t