Thankfully Chewed Up and Spat Back Out!

Why are there so many sex offenders in the paper?  Can't you write about good news? These are questions I hear on a constant basis... Just about every week because just about every week I cover a court hearing dealing with a sexual assault of a child. Mind you that the community I cover stories in is a small rural county - approximately 25k people at any given time call Juneau County Wisconsin home. Now here is the answer to those questions - I cover a lot of court hearings, many dealing with sexual assaults of children. And yes, just about every week I can write an article about such a case currently happening in the Juneau County court.  The reason for this is this heinous crime is rampant throughout every community in this country...in the world.  This crime that rapes the soul of an innocent light happens every day in every community - this crime that is so repulsive - uncomfortable and has such far reaching consequences for the victim, those who love them and eve

I'm about to go off on a rant. Surprise surprise - In the wake of the Penn State Scandal Cover-up  and revelations that Jerry Sandusky has been accused of the not just fondling little boys, but RAPING THEM - The main question floating around status after status on Facebook and Twitter is, "Why?" WHY DID NO ONE INTERVENE?| WHY DID ALL THESE PEOPLE TURN A BLIND EYE? WHY DID NO ONE FORCE ACTION WHEN INACTION WAS THE NORM? Here's your answer - Greed - Image - Power - Control - And the sick bastard raping those little boys - knew it. His image, the image of the institutions connected to him, along with all the power both had and the money that would be lost gave him control - the leverage he needed to get away with the free reign he had in destroying the lives of those children and leaving the scars they must now deal with as they attempt to find normalcy after twisted insanity stole their innocence. I hope our society is paying attention to this wake up call

Swollen fingers - Ring finger shows middle knuckle caving and top knuckle bending -  a deformity common to RA known as Swan Neck - this came on rapid - three weeks ago it was normal - Red bumps surfacing on top knuckles are commonly seen in RA And damn straight I've been biting my nails!! Wouldn't you? BULLSHIT!!! Bullshit - Guess my "whatever" phase is over and I am now in the pissed off one. I've debated about writing on this as I don't want people thinking I am looking for sympathy - actually that's the last thing I want  - it will probably tick me off . Tonight I am sitting in here in so much pain I want to literally scream out loud My feet, ankles, knees, elbows, wrists and shoulders are burning - just typing this all out I am having to fix typo after typo because my fingers are not working as they should...which is BULLSHIT!! This drama started about 6 weeks ago - at least that's when it first got my attention  -since then t

Yes, once again, it's been a while since I've written. And, once again, there are many reasons for it. The last month has been a personal medical hell. Doctor visits, and medical tests...all of which tested my patience with myself, and the medical profession. This road started with my left breast taking on a new appearance and larger size....now, not in a million years would I have imagined that 5 weeks later I would be learning it's an autoimmune disorder. Some good news to that all is it wasn't cancer - bad news,  well - I will be dealing with this little battle within my system for the rest of my life.  I guess you can say it's the epitome of "beating myself up." <--Something I am , after all, rather good at! So far I am told I have what appears to be Rheumatoid Arthritis and possibly Lupus or Sjorgens disorder. In other words...my joints and connective tissue are being attacked by an immune system that doesn't realize the battle's ove

Okay, God, I am paying attention - I need to put myself first. Women, we kinda suck at that - especially the moms, daughters and wives out there. We say we do it - but in reality most of us don't - You all know who you are - so, listen to me and pay attention to this detour life has thrown at me, and learn from it (seriously, I mean it - because I am) Yes, I made that trip to Madison to the Breast Care Center at the UW Hosp.- Sometimes I guess it's a good thing I can be a vocal assertive advocate - The road that got me there...well started with.... 9/21/11 (Wednesday) A local clinic that didn't bother to return a message I had left - a return message that would have told me my primary care doc. was on sabbatical (still) - Why was I calling? Because I had left breast swelling and changes to my areola  and pain in my underarm - 9/22/11 (Thursday) Still no return call (part of me was almost willing to say "screw it" I hate doctors anyhow) 9/23/11  (Frid

A surge of emotions - that is... This weekend something spectacular occurred. Something that, for me, felt a bit awkward because I am not use to winning something. This past weekend, Saturday, to be exact not only was I chosen to be one of the lucky winners of a brand new Lennox  furnace, but the local company ( Miller Heating & Air in Elroy, WI.) who donated their time and expertise in installing it, went the extra mile in giving me so much more than a new furnace. You see my friends nominated me for a special give-away through Lennox  - it was called Heat Up Wisconsin  where 100 deserving households would be chosen to receive a new energy efficient furnace. From the very touching letter written about some of the struggles the kids and I have endured over the last few years, and our volunteer work we were selected. Call me sappy....call me corny... but it reinforced my belief that "Everything Happens for a Reason" You see, last week when I found out that I migh

When I was a little girl and would wait for my father to get off work, my grandmother and I would play games, board and cards. Old Maid was my favorite card game, and Booby Trap was my favorite board game. This week, and all of the events that have happened..including about an hour ago when my driver's side window finally went completely off track and fell to the inner depths of the door....and as dark clouds looked overhead.....memories of those games...Old Maid...and Booby Trap came flooding back - You may not understand why, but inside my head where twisted sarcasm plays...it all makes sense. Earlier this week I wrote about the child support hearing -- well, in the end all turned out okay, and I walked away keeping that 10 dollars every 2 weeks coming my way. I had a chance to breathe....for a bit You see I've been putting off something, something important and mainly because I just couldn't cope with having to handle one more thing in the last few weeks. I nee

It's Monday morning, and yes I woke up. That may not seem like a big deal to you, but to me right now it is. Last night I had an old friend on my mind, his name was Patrick. I knew him back in the days when we both were actively involved in advocating for students with disabilities...when we were advocates/activists. Patrick always made me laugh. He was a well educated man, and a man who had accomplished quite a bit in his life. Like me, it was the love for a child that threw him into the arena of standing up to his local school district, the Illinois State Board of Education, the US Department of Education to having meetings with the United States Justice Department.  He, along with other friends at the time, sat with me in meetings for students, in meetings with state and federal officials, as well as next to me as we protested the US Deputy Secretary of Education with hundreds of people behind us on his front lawn.  Some may say we were radicals...but we were being parents t

(warning - below may be kinda disjointed - I've been having a hard time finding my voice in writing - there have been too many situations and stories I've been close to the past few weeks, and all of which point to responses in crimes against women - it's time for accountability - people/agencies need to take ownership for their failings and stop placing or trying to find a scapegoat - all of them do - I'm getting sick and tired of the politics of whispers and then when all the gossipers come together at the same table it's "nice, nice" time -we cannot have it both ways...everyone wants a place at the table when they are out protesting for their own rights, but they don't want things brought to the table when it involves someone else - and always WE NEED TO HEAR THE VICTIM"S Voice ...it's her road to becoming a survivor! ) The carnage is evident...blood everywhere and people moaning. The call comes in and then the call goes out to the fir

Once upon a time there was a woman who loved a man. He said he loved her too. He showed it in many ways, especially after he would beat her - hit her -kick her - leave her bloody...tell her she was ugly - no good -stupid...yes, after those acts he was always kinder.  Once upon a time there was a woman who decided enough was enough - she remembered all those commercials and those public service announcements that told her she deserved more from life, and that she never deserved to be abused.  She followed their advice and sought justice.  Once upon a time...that woman couldn't understand why when she made all the calls to the police, to the prosecutor, and even sometimes the advocates she often received a "busy" signal. She asked herself if this was what justice was suppose to feel like? All the voices in those commercials, those public service announcements were not there for her - she felt more alone than ever - more bruised and battered than ever before. She had the s

Much of what I post about here on this blog may help others in some way, but it's not always uplifting - topics of homelessness, domestic violence, sexual assault and child sexual assault are not usually the "go to" topics for a smile or uplifting news. As it is is  - right now I have a post brewing in my head and as soon as I am able to focus and find the needed words it will be written - but again, it will not be uplifting - rather it will place emphasis on cracks in the systems - the justice system -and how those cracks feed the cycle of abuse. Lessons - and perhaps seeds that will one day grow and fill some of those cracks  - but until that day happens...it cannot be considered uplifting. So, having said that - the content on this blog is just one aspect of me - my vents - the others aspects of me are rarely seen here - my subtle...yet slap ya in the face sarcasm - doesn't always show through, nor does the fact when I need a little cheerful reading...encoura

I was sitting here this evening, exhausted from a long two days of writing for deadline day at my job...stressed about some personal things ...it was just a half an hour ago and I was attempting to zone out to an episode of Hell's Kitchen on Hulu.... and that's when it happened - an email appeared in my inbox to my email account connected to this blog.  When I opened it up I found a poem sent to me by a stranger - someone unknown to me. However, even though her name and email address were not familiar to me, the emotion in her poem was. It is a piece that speaks to something just about any survivor of physical or sexual abuse will know...it doesn't matter if the abuse happened as a child or as an adult - if your body and soul suffered a trauma you survived from, you will understand it. These were the words that greeted me in that email.... Red on White I look down at her This woman that I used to know I know what happened I was once there, inside her Yet I can'

For years I've known I am half-ass backwards. When other people complained about cloudy, rainy and cool days - I would be at my best - those are the days I come alive. Sunny days, no matter when they happen...which season, have always given me a little headache. I've mentioned this before, I was born with this whacked out immune system - signs of it started when I was just 2 weeks old and stopped breathing from breast milk and formula. My mother reminded me of this throughout my childhood when she would find a reason to inform how expensive of a baby I was, 'Do you have any idea what soy milk cost back then?" My entire life doctors have tried to put a diagnosis to my symptoms and tests results, but could never find one to match...hence my reasoning for hating doctor visits and now why I avoid them...they're intrigued by my medical history...and I despise being a test rabbit.  I spent a childhood being told they were convinced I had leukemia but the bone marro

I hate terms like "sweating my ass off" ...because they are nothing but lies, pure and simple...LIES! I say that because it irks me like no tomorrow that the gallons of sweat dripping off my body in this latest heat wave to hit Wisconsin is not shrinking my ever lovin' ample butt ...it is however making me irritable like no tomorrow (can you tell?) As I write this in the early evening the temperature outside is : 92   F   Feels Like:  114 You know the cavemen were pretty damn smart and to think we've "evolved" since then is a joke.  Their shelter, a cave...provided a constant and comfortable climate all year round. They didn't have to pay heaps of money they didn't have to an electrical company to stay cool...nor to a fuel company to stay warm -  I think I now truly understand why the last 5 years or so I've been saying how one day I am going to find a cave to live in...it wasn't a statement out of dealing with stress - it must h