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Showing posts from March, 2010

Life is not an accident

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My thoughts have been deep and troubled the past few days. I've learned that my youngest child, my baby, is ill - an enlarged spleen, enlarged nodes in his abdomen tumor like things in the lining of his stomach, and alarming blood test results...and my worries over the past few months confirmed; something is going on - both he and I already knew that. It's been a lot to take in - and there's a part of me that is super pissed off right now - I am not really sure at what, but I feel those Mama Bear Claws coming out because something....some unknown element is harming my baby. Three days now I have cried.. I have worried... I have dealt with my fears... I have researched the unknown... I haven't been able to focus on anything but what is now before us... My concentration floats back to the fears...the worries...and the anger in me... Tonight I reached out to a special person in my life.......... He is currently dealing with the other end of the spectrum...his father is dri

Spring has sprung

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Spring had sprung, no doubt about that one....... And with it this week also came chaos.... Chaos at work Chaos in the home And Chaos in the volunteer work I do... And nosey bodies causing even more issues with their passive aggressive envious behaviors I haven't been writing much mainly because I've been busier than hell. Busy with carting Kyle to and from doctor offices, work, and volunteering while wearing many hats...among some other things Such is life.......... That's just it...it's life. Last year at this time my stress was centered around figuring out how to live, while the world around me was caving in on top of me. The difference with this year, while I have many of the same worries and concerns, I am not allowing them to rule me but rather I am living and taking control ..........I'm in the driver's seat and driving myself out from under the cave in. There will always be problems... There will always be stress when it comes to the children... Money c

Hope cries out from pain

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My gut churned as she relayed the abuse in her childhood. The details of terror in one woman's growing years. The physical abuse her little body suffered from being hit with belt buckles and being made to sit in salt baths with her open wounds burning. She spoke about the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of the man who adopted her, and how the woman she called "mom" knowingly turned away. Gruesome details of innocence stolen and adults failing her. The one time she told an adult in her life, a teacher at school, lead to a social worker visiting her home and a conversation with her and her parents where she was drilled ...and how she sat in silence denying anything ever happened. She didn't need to tell me the next thing, I already knew what it was...... when that social worker left she would have received the worse beating of her life. Her pain was so evident in the lines of her now middle-aged face. They told the story of her life of abuse, while they also gav

"Don't get emotionally involved."

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"Don't get emotionally involved." Was the warning I heard over and over when I started down this venture of addressing homelessness in my rural Wisconsin county...Juneau County. But the thing is ..how can someone not get emotionally involved once they see it all for their own eyes? From the minute I decided to do that article for the Messenger last September - I WAS emotionally involved. Now here it is six months later, Lend a Hand has formed and is attempting to tackle the issue of homelessness in our county- I see and work with the people so many at first said didn't exist in our beautiful rural landscaping and I am not only emotionally involved, but also intellectually frustrated by the stereo-typing I still hear everyday, as well as spiritually lifted by the glimmer of hope I see in the eyes of those so many refuse still to see. This week was an especially moving week for me - and as I write this I find I am angry...pissed off angry....frustrated....and hopeful

My Path

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My Path The pain inside my wounds is still so very deep At times my eyes, they still cry ..silent tears they weep The road of life keeps me going.. keeps me alive Learning to deal...I am living.. trying to thrive Forward motion is not always easy nor always fun Although each step is guided by a warmer brighter sun Sometimes I still long for the days in my distant past But even so I know it's better that they didn't continue to last Tomorrow's hopes for new days..more goals and better dreams They call to me on nights when I am alone and lost it seems Reminding me of the path before me ..turns my life may take It's up to me if I walk it eyes closed or brightly wide awake We all have trials and tribulations that we must all face In those moments self love is needed and not a disgrace To love oneself is to appreciate God's love, his humble grace On my path that's been the hardest lesson I've learned to embrace By Eva Marie - 03/06/10