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Showing posts from July, 2017

My fascination...people

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People fascinate me.  Cultures are intriguing, all their traditions -their religions,  and everything that is misunderstood about them. For most of my life I was an extremely shy individual. I did not like attention, at all. I did not even want my bridal shower nor my baby showers as I dreaded being the center of attention. I was far more comfortable being lost in a crowd. Part of it was due to extremely low self-esteem and the other part was I'd rather absorb my surrounding, watching people - and learning. I preferred sitting in the back of the room and watching everyone else. I still do. That is where you will find me -  my back to the wall absorbing the energy and emotions in the room. Yes, people fascinate me - everything that makes us so unique and then all the things we have in common - our common bonds as human beings. I think that is why I have always been drawn to anthropology - the study of societies and their cultures and religions throughout time. Up until I

Seeking closure - The unsolved murder of Barbara Blackstone

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Over the years I've written a lot of stories for the paper I felt passionate about, however, the unsolved murder mystery of Barbara Blackstone is different. Not only am I passionate about her story, this summer I am compelled to honor her memory like never before - a part of me is also hoping that there can be some closure for the many people who carry the memory of her deep in their hearts. I've written about her murder quite a few times since I've been at the paper. A murder that happened 30 years ago this summer. When she was killed I was just a 19-year-old girl - she was 30 years old.  I never knew her and truthfully I had never even heard of Juneau County, Wisconsin, let alone Lyndon Station, the small rural community where she lived. I was living in the suburbs of Chicago - an almost 3-hour drive away. The first time her name entered my world was back about 2007 when I was looking for stories to cover. I needed money and considering I got paid by the article,

A much needed vent.

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Within 10 minutes of waking up you can find me checking messages,  scanning social media, and posting whatever is needed to Facebook- all while anxiously waiting for that first cup of coffee to finish brewing. That is my routine, 7 days a week - 365 days of the year, and has been my routine now for so long that I cannot remember what it is like to not work as soon as I awake. There are no vacations from that routine, no sick days - no break. It all occurs, usually, within 5 to 6 hours of my nightly routine, which is pretty much the same except there's no coffee involved and happens 5 -10  minutes of trying to get some sleep. If anything throws me off of the routine, such as no wifi available, I panic. I work for a community newspaper. A job I've had now for over a decade.  It has been my routine when I was just a reporter to now being the editor.  I fear it is ingrained in me. I am not a 9-5 worker - I dread being tied to a desk in an office. I need to be able to wor

Not as simple as it seems..

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Tonight I found myself staring at this stone. It is chalcopyrite, aka peacock ore. Earlier today I spotted it in a gift shop and I was drawn to it. I had to have it. The colors in this piece are simply beautiful. It reminded me of life and how one experience leads to another, painting the memories in our minds and creating the person we are at any given time in our lives. I purchased a few other stones, including some quartz. I found myself this evening sitting in the quiet of my home staring at my purchases. Each stone was carefully picked out. Before I knew it I was rubbing a quartz across the surface of the chalcopyrite. Not sure why I started doing that, perhaps out boredom I wanted to see what would happen to either one - I guess I should not be surprised that the friction caused both to brighten. Small bits (powder-like) of the chalcopyrite started to fall away from the stone revealing brilliant vivid colors. By then I was extremely deep in thought. In my hands were two s

Inspiring steps..

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A couple of months ago I started a new venture - journaling workshops for survivors of abuse (any abuse). The goal was to provide guidance to others and get them writing about their emotions.  I even reached out to the jail and did one there but quickly realized that my position with the paper would hamper things. I had to take a break from the weekly workshops - holidays, a trip to see my boys in Memphis, and then a very chaotic 6 weeks at work did get in the way. Through it all, I did keep in contact with some of the participants. There is no magic on my part, the survivors do all the work, for themselves. I mainly listen and then give some ideas for writing exercises.  It is all about personal growth - that is something no one can control nor should they attempt to. Today I was very proud of one young woman.  The first time I met her I was very drawn to her. I knew she had an inner strength many would be envious of, she just needed to tap into it and believe in herself. Wh

First Love Yourself - #WhenIBecameFree

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Stay away from relationships. Yes, stay far away from them while you're in throws of healing with open wounds that are raw. I say that all the time, over and over, to some of the young women I know. I don't say it to sound wise or smart and I don't say it because I am bitter towards love - I say it because I speak from experience. I had my broken heart crushed into sand because I jumped too soon. Long Story Short -  I thought I had my life together. Sure, I was still struggling but I was working and raising my kids, on my own. My divorce had been final for 6 months - my ex was sitting in prison, serving out his sentence,  and I was actively healing from the wounds of domestic violence and sexual assault- every day I awoke with a positive attitude, or so I thought. It was the summer of 2008 when I met David and he swept me off my feet. Tall, distinguished, and handsome. He had manager's position within a Wisconsin county government department, almost 2 hours from

Searching for balance....

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I am off balance. My filter is diminishing. It was never a strong barrier but lately, I feel my father coming out off me, more and more - 'What are you, a fucking yahoo?' Is a response which plays over and over in my head on any given day. I can thank my Father for that biting retort. Dad was a gentle giant. He was a leader with a compassionate heart for society's underdogs.  He was also German, very German. When he had a mission to conquer there was no stopping him. He'd see it through and do not get in his way. He was determined, strong-willed,  and stubborn, but yet still very fragile.  Sarcasm was the shield he used to protect his vulnerabilities, and he was good at it - he had incredible timing. He was highly intelligent and enjoyed his blue collar life and blue collar friends. He was a machinist but not just any machinist, he was the "go-to" when all the others failed.  Those extremely large hands of his were not only good with tools and engineer