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Showing posts from October, 2018

Vulnerable #WhenIBecameFree

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The past few weeks I have been feeling exceptionally vulnerable. I am battling some insecurities and also some anger I didn't realize I still have. This weekend it all has hit me rather hard and has left me emotionally exhausted and feeling exposed, like a wounded animal unable to protect its underbelly. Knowing at any moment a predator could take one swipe and gut me - and, there's not a damn thing I can do to prevent it from happening. I've written quite a bit about this being the year for transitions, for myself and others, and that is not an exaggeration. I am witnessing struggles of healing reveal beautiful moments, for myself, the #WhenIBecameFree project , and in others. So much so, that I keep trying to remind myself in that old saying,  "no pain, no gain." The thing is, I am not sure I have what it takes anymore to withstand the pain, I'm getting old and damn, I am exhausted! Pushing these feelings to the surface has been this weekend I've s

#IRemember

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"Shhh...Be a good little girl, don't tell." "If you tell, you will be punished, they will not believe you." "I will kill your family if you tell." That is #whatIremember. #IRemember their hands on my young skin. #IRemember time standing still. #IRemember holding my breath, being frozen in place. #IRemember being sexually assaulted at the age of 5, at the age of 8, at the age of 9, at the age of 13...maybe I was 14, and then also as an adult. #IRemember each one of my predators. #IRemember holding on to the secrets so tightly that my entire being became those secrets I was hiding, I lost touch with myself. #IRemember wanting to die, many times over. #IRemember fearing what people would think of me if they knew my truths. #IRemember not even knowing how to start telling those secrets. #IRemember telling my cat about my secrets. #IRemember after attempting suicide as a teen and telling my mother about some of those secrets,