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Showing posts from September, 2017

Making time during life's marathon

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It is like running at full speed up against 100mph winds - You can feel the ache in the muscles, but you push on - As hard and as fast as you can - Teeth gritting, you know the finish line is somewhere - just keep pushing - 'Nothing has stopped you- and- there will be no situation that ever will'. ..your mantra as you inch forward. One foot in front of the other...just a little more... So, there you are, it was a long race but the finish line is in sight - you push one last time.... And before you know it, you have pushed yourself over a cliff, sending your body crashing to the ground. The adrenaline rush is over. You no longer feel rigid and stiff. The wind is no longer pushing against your forward movements. You can breathe! That is when you realize your joints have loosened from the impact of that crash,  loosened to the point you feel like a rag doll and now you must find the energy to lift them, get them moving again, like they should. Now you must summon up s

A child's smile...

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Me when I was around 4 years old. About one year before it would the first time I was molested. After that the smiles lessened. I find no greater joy than a child's pure innocent smile. They glow. I am especially drawn to a child with a frown.  I love making eye contact with them and then watching that frown turn to a smile.  There's magic then in that smile. This morning was another journaling workshop. Actually, it is more like a roundtable of discussion. We speak about we've recently have written about - talk about our life experiences - and then listen to each other's feedback.  Naturally, the topic of childhood has come up quite a bit - empowerment comes from taking a good look at our foundations, providing care to the cracks while we keep building on and ourselves, up. For the past few weeks, we've discussed and have written about ourselves as that child, when our world changed...and where we feel we've lost touch with that child we once were -

If I make it through all of this...

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I will breathe. I will sleep.. And then, I will tackle some dreams. Yes, when I make it through all of this, that is my plan. But first, I need to get things done and it feels like a mountain to climb. To all of you with good health, appreciate it - do not take it for granted. While I was never a "healthy" person there was a time I was non-stop movement - Super Woman. That time was not too long ago.  I was able to work, raise the boys, keep up with cleaning and cooking while also answering calls 6 days a week, helping the low-income and the homeless with crisis help. I was unstoppable. When I look back to those days I am not sure how I did do it all. My boys supported all my efforts and were right there in the thick with me. We had days where I'd get a call and 20 minutes later we were loading up a family being evicted...sometimes in the middle of winter.  I can remember one time driving through the streets of my town during a snow storm with no room in the

Here I go, again....moving forward

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I should know better. What can go wrong, will. Monday I had a refuse company drop off one of those roll-off things  I have it for a week. In my head I had the plan all laid out.  Monday after work I would go through closets and get rid of the abundance of "stuff" collected and shoved away. Mainly it is Kyle's stuff. That ever active brain of his and all his concoctions. Anyway, that was my plan for Monday and Tuesday...after work would be for cleaning out closets and rooms.  Don't ever say I am not optimistic because that plan had all the hallmarks of positive thinking. It was a sinus headache, the swollen RA joints, and the lovely symptom known as fatigue, I didn't plan on. I should know better. So, here it is Wednesday and I am running way behind schedule. So, needless to say the plan to start cleaning out the garage on Wednesday, fell short. I did manage to get one room semi-done and I am still scratching my head on the amount of stuff I pulled out of o

Not an ideal world to step out to - but we can build a bridge of hope

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You've seen all the awareness material - All the public service announcements - The ones where they urge victims of domestic violence to reach out for help - and then appears a national hotline. One, that when called, will refer a caller to a local domestic violence shelter for help and in an ideal world, everything will be okay - she will find her way out with help. Don't count on it. I am not saying that to sound cynical, rather I am being practical- I want everyone out there to realize a few things - 1) It takes approximately (on average) 7 attempts to leave before a victim makes that final step in never returning back to the abuse. 2) There are good domestic violence advocacy organizations out there and then there are some not so good ones. Shelters are often at capacity, which means that victims may or may not have a roof when they leave. Sometimes they may receive a voucher for a motel room - a motel room where they will sit, alone (maybe with the kids), wit

Suffocated by circumstance - time to pay attention.

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I need to pay attention. I need to pay attention to the signs, the messages, and what is in my heart - the path towards a dream.  For the last few months I've felt like I was being suffocated. At first I put it off as empty nest syndrome. Then I told myself I was just overwhelmed with the chaos of work and working too much. I had convinced myself (partially) that it was a combination of both. Still, there was a voice in my head telling me it was something else - a nagging instinct that I was not living to my potential, going after my dreams and my goals. I was allowing myself to become suffocated by circumstance. And, not only did I allow that to happen, I was standing still for it all. Not a good place to be. Ever since I was a little girl I've had a wanderer's spirit. I love people and learning all about them and I love to share their stories more than I do my own. There are so many lessons all around us. We pass each other as we go about life, not really payin

Gaslighting - knows no boundaries

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Yesterday evening I posted a reminder about a journaling workshop I hold in my local community. We've been discussing writing letters to our abusers- letters our abusers will never see. Rather soon after I posted a reminder someone messaged me about the workshops - this is a person I met a few years back and on a professional level. This person is a middle aged male.  We've never before discussed my awareness work in regards to domestic violence, sexual assault, and child abuse. I was somewhat surprised by the message - and not for the reasons you may think. I post a lot of awareness material to my Facebook page -so much so that sometimes I think people are tired of it and not paying attention anymore. Receiving that unexpected message yesterday evening reminded me that people do pay attention, but do so silently. In his message he wanted me to speak about how males can be victims of emotional abuse at the hands of narcissists- he specifically wanted me to discuss what is