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Showing posts from January, 2018

Where there's a will, there is always a way

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Every time he was drunk he would tell me how I would never amount to anything without him. How I would become homeless and lose the children. How I would crawl back to him begging him to take me back. Then he would follow it up with the detailed description on how he would kill me if I ever left him. I thank the Lord that during all those times, within me, there was a voice of strength, whispering that I can and would prove him wrong - I relied on that voice many of a night to get me through being emotionally battered to the point I was fighting not to become a shell. I don't know why I am thinking about all of this now, all these years later. Perhaps it is because I am seeing the fruits of our (the children and my) struggle blossoming before me. I will not lie, after my marriage ended and the children and I were alone to live life during that recession, life was hard, extremely hard. If I admitted how many times I had to fight the thought of driving off a cliff, or into a tree

Seriously? Damn Luck Gremlins! You Just Can't Make This Up - Pt 3

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On Monday I leave for a trip to Memphis. I am going to see my boys and also watch my youngest ( Kyle Roberts ) take the stage at the International Blue Challenge as the Memphis Blues Society's Youth Performer . Yay, me! Right? Yes - I am and have been so excited for this trip but I should have known better. Everything was falling into place a little too smoothly for my twisted luck.  I have my train tickets - My dogs are set to be taken care of - I have some items on eBay actually getting nice bids - which will be my pocket money I survived that bitter cold that we had since just about Christmas - I was able to thaw out my pipes when they froze up without any issues... And, that right there, that last item - the luck gremlins are right now laughing hysterically.  Those little bastards are biting me in the butt as I type. Throughout the frozen pipe issue, I checked that dungeon of a basement, constantly. I hate going down there, but I did, numerous times - just to

Domino effect of truth, empathy, and compassion - Thank you Oprah!

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I did not watch the Golden Globes last night but I did see Oprah's speech today on Youtube. It was after a busy day at work and witnessing all my friends discuss it on social media (some good comments, some bad comments) I knew I had to know what she said. Well, I just watched it and I am in tears. Those tears began from her first few sentences speaking about being a child, growing up in a single-parent home, and watching Sidney Potier win and accept his Oscar for Best Actor.  She spoke about how it was, for her, being that child and seeing someone she could identify with accomplishing something, that up to that point, was unheard of. Yes, her speech was powerful and gained momentum as she spoke. She spoke about speaking truths and my tears freely flowed. When I was a teen and horribly coping with prior years of being molested, I did not know now how to speak my truth, rather it ate me up from the inside out. Topics such as that were not openly discussed. I had no clue

The Adverse Childhood Effect - does it factor into why victims stay?

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Tonight I was on a TED talk binge. I started off with a video about women over 50 and then three videos later I landed on the one about Adverse Childhood Traumas (ACE)   and the science behind the study. Over the last few years, I've heard quite a bit about the ACE. Basically, it boils down to the more traumatic your childhood experienced, the more likely you will suffer health consequences later on, including and not limited to heart problems, cancers, mental health, addictions,  and/or autoimmune orders. Initially, I thought.. no kidding, I knew that, I've lived that - I've often thought most of the medical issues I have had since childhood has been the end result of cause and effect of all those years I called my dark period- my childhood. Now, I know that the ACE scale is being utilized by many social service agencies as an intake and basis for creating a multidisciplinary approach to bring wrap-around services to children and their families in need. There

Hitting the road...with a purpose

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In just about a week's time, I will be hitting the road and I cannot wait. I am long overdue for a break and some time away. Having a job in the public's eye comes with benefits and many cons, not a week goes by that I don't have to deal with drama or straighten out something. For the most part, I do not mind but when someone goes after my bread and butter and I am not even involved in whatever fantasy world they live in but they drag me in, well, then the claws come out - and, that has happened one too many times in the last 6 months. You can call me just about any name in the book and I will probably laugh but I work too hard and too many hours for carpetbagger bullies to attempt to harm my income and especially over something I was not involved in, to begin with. I will and have stood my ground - I'm not one to go down without a fight, no matter how exhausting it may be. I blame my father's bloodline for that attitude. I fully admit that I will kick a dead

Hello 2018

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My son phoned me the other day with a question on why we always seem to have the most unusual experiences and when it rains, it hurricanes. I didn't have the best answer at the time, but now, after thinking on it for a while, I realize it is because we live.  We don't stand still - we don't just exist - we live, we live with passion, moving forward while honoring our past and respecting it. At times it can seem like that forward movement is at a snail's pace. Life is filled with those surreal adventures, some of them are hard lessons and then some of them are treasures to be cherished. 2017 was one of those years filled with lessons. Last year taught me that I am strong, perhaps stronger than I have ever realized. I can stand on my own, even if on some rather shaky ground. *This year the goal is to not only live, but to take better care of myself while I do so. That includes not apologizing for needing rest when I am flaring from Sjogrens or RA. I am hyper-aware t