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Showing posts from June, 2009

A New Respect: Thank You Jersey Housewives (HUH?)

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I couldn't believe my ears yesterday - I sat there on my couch, next to my 15 year old and I was speechless. This time it had nothing to do with some ignorant comment coming out of his mouth objectfying woman in a crude way...my inability to speak had nothing to do with watching his bottomless pit of a stomach eat me out of house and home- nope, it wasn't the typical comment from Justin's mouth that left me speechless last night which still leaves me at a loss for words on how to describe it all. "Oh man! Man, I never realized it before Mom. I mean, Wow!!! Dude!!! Women work harder than men! Men are spoiled compared to women! I have a new respect for you Mom!" HUH????????????????????????????? What the hell just happened? I was looking at him, and then at the t.v. to see what spawned this new realization, and try to piece it all together. Last night we were watching Bravo's reality show; The Real Housewives of New Jersey. It was the end of the season recap whe

Speaking Up and Out

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It's pretty amazing to watch people in a community come together, united, over something. I've seen it before with the various groups I've been part of. Each time I do see it, it inspires me. Yesterday I got a glimpse of it yet again. Glimpse into scenes like that remind me of a time when I was part of something pretty amazing....protests. Yes, I've had an interesting life. It started with anti-animal cruelty protests when I was only 22 and lived in the Chicago area. While I didn't necessarily agree with some of my fellow protesters and the tactics they used in approaching people, I did feel the sense of empowerment that comes from standing up for what you believe in. I felt that again when I was extremely active as a volunteer advocate and activist for students with special needs. From helping parents learn and understand their rights to organizing and taking part in protests from the school district level, the state level, all the way to marches in Washington, DC.

Damn it!!!!! Enough Already! (My poetic soul)

I've been stuck in a down mood the last week or so. Surviving is tough work damn it! Sometimes it gets to a point where it knocks the wind out you - there you are trying to stay sane in an environment of chaos. I literally feel battered. I've always been one to bounce back stonger, and deep down I know I will yet again. It's who I am. Some may call it strength, others may see it as drive, but to be honest with you it's pure stubborness (Thanks Daddy) - That's the activist in me. That doesn't change the hits a woman like me suffers in the process of growing and moving forward. At points during that process you do feel battle worn - alone - and self doubts enter the picture. Top all that off with this stinking economy crisis our country now faces - being a single mom of two kids, and no child support, takes on an entirily new meaning - one that hasn't been seen in a couple of decades. Budget cuts to federal and state programs, along with less opprotunity for j

Father's Day

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Ugh.. It's Father's Day and I of course am torturing myself with songs, and memories. Why do we do that to ourselves? I know I am not alone today - I know there are others doing just the same. My heart breaks because I am unable to visit my Father's grave today or any other day, and haven't been able to in a very long time. I miss those special quiet times - I miss my Father more than words can say. He died 13 years ago, and my heart still aches as it did that morning when he passed - I guess I will always miss him that much, he was so very special to me. The picture is of a sweatshirt my Father had made for me back when I was 18 years old, and one in which he gave to me at Chirstmas. It hangs in my closet as a reminder of the love my Father had for me, and I for him. I don't wear it, and have only a couple of times in the past. I will never get rid of it as having it there whenever I need to look at it, is like having my Father's love within an arms reach. I al

Name That Tree!

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I took this picture earlier this evening.. This tree is one of the weirdest trees I've ever seen. Someone told me it's a Bur Oak and that's why it has that solid growth - and that thing growing out it's side it HUGE!! Now I am obsessed with this damn tree! To no avail I tried finding other trees like it on the net - Can anyone tell me about this tree or trees like it? This one is located in Elroy, WI.

Feeling Sorry for Yourself

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Why is it perfectly acceptable to feel for someone else...feel their pain, cry tears for them, understand why they may be sad...scared...closed up...etc, but not acceptable to feel sorry for your own pain, cry tears for your own losses, shattered dreams...feel compassion for yourself? "Stop feeling sorry for yourself !" I never understood that saying, and I believe I never will. Whenever I hear it, I picture in my mind's eye a parent who has just beat their child...or a husband who has just slapped his wife and those words are coming out of their mouth while their victim cowers and cries. Words from a guilty party that doesn't know how to deal with their own pain ...so...they need to lash out at others...words that demean another, and do not respect the experience of another...their existence, their pain...their loss. Yes, to me, to tell another person not to feel sorry for themselves, is telling them to ignore their own emotions because you yourself don't

A pain in the neck - A mother's instinct?

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What a long and draining week it has been. I spent most of this week in a conference on sexual assault which was put on by the Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Violence. The conference was packed and well attended by law enforcement, advocates, health care providers, and other interested parties. So much information..and..somewhat disturbing for me at times...and on many levels. Anyway, the conference just so happened to by only about 20 or so miles from my home, so I had the luxury of being able to leave at the end of each day and return to home to my children and my own pillow. Yesterday I was sitting in the last breakout session of the day. One I was very interested in ..prosecution of offenders and how to bring those cases to justice. Tired I was, yes....sitting all day my back was aching, my neck throbbing but I was determined to stick it out. I was sitting there listening to the speakers when all of a sudden the pain in my neck became so severe it almost brought tears to my eye

V.I.N.E...does your county have it?

This week I've been busy attending a conefernce on sexual assault - indepth workshops for those that work with victims...law enforcement, advocates, health care professionals, prosecuters...etc.. Some pretty heavy duty topics are covered, but they need to be. One breakout session I attended yesterday dealt with an automated system that would notify victims (and others...actually anyone in the community) when an offender is released from county jails ....even when bond has been posted. Wisconsin has recieved a grant to set-up this system in all of it's counties...but of course that also means the county must be willing, and approve it. This system is used all across the country... The workshop was an introduction to the system and an attempt to reach out to professionals to help advocate for it in their county. Below is a video about the system , and just how it all began and all the benefis it can provide victims....... Find out if your county has it!!!! Make those calls!!!! an

The dreaded pictures

There, I finally did it! I changed...well...updated my picture on here, and my other profiles scattered around the net. It may not be a big deal to you..but to me...yikes! The camera and I haven't gotten along in a very long time....since my childhood. I tell people it's that "forever frozen in time" thing about pictures that I hate having them taken....something a lot of people I am sure can understand. I can remember when it all started for me - I was a young girl...maybe 8 years old or so. Looking back through photo albums it's obvious the transition from a smiling little girl to a introspective sad eyed child. It was back then when having your picture taken took on a different...twisted meaning for me. We lived in a beautiful apartment in Evanston, IL. One of those old turn of the century buildings...the apartment was on the top floor...three bedrooms...two full bathrooms...formal dining room...and wood everywhere. Even a black and white marbled floor in the f

A glimpse inside with music

Today I added a playlist to my profile. All these songs have some meaning to me. The first song, "Remember the Tinman ," is especially meaningful to me. While at first it may seem like a depressing song, it actually helped me to look within inside of myself.... When it came out back in the early 90's I was actively in the process of trying to understand my childhood, and working on healing from being molested. This song reflected all the questions I had inside me. I can remember playing it over and over....with tears streaming down my face. I needed to hear the soft notes and lyrics - it helped to bring out all the emotions I had ignored for so long. All the pain I pretended wasn't there. All the other songs on the list have meaning to me....some of good times, and some reflect times when I struggled with myself...my memories... I have a friend who has a knack of communicating emotions he can't (for whatever reason) voice with music. The man is a walking jukebox.

The Bond in Being a Survivor; it can be a gift.

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Anyone who has survived being molested as a child, I am sure will say, there's a bond...an instant connection of unspoken words, when we learn of or hear that someone else shares similar memories. Stories like Nevaeh Buchanan cannot help but to bring back those emotions in us. Remembering being that confused, scared child ...having innocence ripped from you...stolen. While it hasn't been confirmed that she was molested on top of being murdered, one can surmise she was. Why else end the life of a child unless the killer was attempting to silence her, and cover his crime of shame?? I felt that bond and the passion behind it this past week in blogs and comments on new stories through out the net. Many of us communicated the updates we were not finding on cable news or our local channels. Passionate pleas of why....angry questions wanting answers.....tears shed in words of hope..could be found doing a Google search on this little girl's name. I know for me, and the only person

Here We Go Again - Another Letter!

Here We Go Again! The letters continue............. Last month I wrote about my ex husband who is in prison for domestic violence, and sexual assault against me, sending me letters. He is not to have contact with me. The only contact that has been allowed is with my youngest son, and only after my son's counselor approved it. The contact is to go through his probation and parole agent. Any letters my ex sends out is to be sent to her, she will scan it, and then she will send it on to my son. There are some reasons for this. First being my eldest son wants no contact whatsoever - he is dealing with the after effects of watching his father hurting me, and suffers from PTSD. The letters that come from the prison are stamped as such - a big red stamp - and is a trigger for him. Second reason is so that he doesn't try to communicate with me. He has been warned, and warned. Evidently that doesn't matter...because once again, he sent the letter for my son direct to the house and s

May She Rest In Peace - Nevaeh Has Been Found

For the tragic story on this please follow this link - Nevaeh Buchanan May She Rest In Peace, and May Justice Be Served...if it ever truly could be.

Thank You Khris! Attitude of Gratitude - Lemonade Award!

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jn Last week I recieved notice that a fellow blogger, Khris , awarded me with an Attitude of Gratitude - Lemonade Award!! How Cool is That!?!?!?!? Becoming a recipient also means to pay it forward - so with that I would like to pass this on to some fellow bloggers I've been reading - I may not always comment - but know that I've been paying attention - I want to contact them first, prior to listing them... But also wanted to make sure I didn't forget to thank Khris!! Thank You!

Former person of interest in Nevaeh case describes interrogation | detnews.com | The Detroit News

Former person of interest in Nevaeh case describes interrogation | detnews.com | The Detroit News Shared via AddThis

Treasure Hunting - Flying Free

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Well, this morning I am planning on going on my weekly treasure hunt ...garage sales and thrift stores hoping to find a treasure...the one that will get me out of debt, and maybe help to pay for some new wheels! It's not all about greed, I also like the hunt - finding that one object that catches my attention....researching it (another hobby - researching) and then if I am lucky listing and auctioning it off on eBay. That is only if I am lucky. Three years ago eBay helped the kids and I to get through some really hard times. At the time I was still married, but the abuse was escalating out of control....the only time he was sober was when he was at work. We were separated and had been after the first time he really physically attacked me...1 year prior to that the verbal and emotional abuse went hand in hand with his out of control drinking...spiraling out of control, and taking everything and everyone in his path down with him. All those years together were being destroyed by a li

Update (kinda) Nevaeh Buchanan

As of yesterday afternoon, the reward was increased to $20,000 - We know this innocent child was willingly exposed to sex offenders by her mother...but one thing no one has pointed out is this child...this little girl who JUST turned 5 in Feb - WAS UNSUPERVISED while outside playing!!!!! WHY??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Meet Truffles

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We have a new addition to our family - he weighs in at 1.4 lbs and is just 7 weeks old. He is a kitten and his name is Truffles. I wish I could say I had a weak moment when the kids begged me for him...you know how kids are..."PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZEEEE!!!!!!" - "I'll take care of it,MOM!" "I'll never ask for anything else" "PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE!!!" Yes, I wish I could say that but I can't - It was all me! I fell for the little thing as soon as I saw him...the kids didn't even bother to ask because they anticipated the usual answer of , "No way! Are you out of your mind?? Don't ask me again!" .. So I imagine their shock when I did it. Here's how it happened............ We volunteered at an event this past weekend: Kids Fest. An all day event that celebrates being a kid. I worked the registration table, while Kyle manned the Messenger's table for me where we asked kids to tell us what was so great about bei

Letter to my State Senator - Francesca Weber and needed change

Last week I emailed both my state senator, and state assembly representative regarding the tragedy that took Francesca Weber's life.. Surprisingly, yesterday, I receieved a response in the mail from Senator Dale Schultz...to follow is my appreciation and my thoughts on what needs to change if we ever hope to make an impact on domestic violence and it's negative cause and affect it has on our society.... I urge that if you agree, that you too write you state assembly representatives, and assembly persons. We can make a difference!!!!! ------ June 1, 2009 Dear Senator Schultz; First I would like to thank you for your timely response to my email regarding the recent tragic murder (in my opinion - preventable) of Francesca Weber. While I may not have known her nor her killer- her ex husband, Steve - I have experienced, such as she did, living in an abusive relationship. In your letter you refer to me as showing courage in sharing with you my story, while I appreciate that comme

Priorities - Nevaeh Buchanan

I am frustrated! I have a morning ritual of watching cable news while I sip my coffee and check emails as I attempt to wake up....it usually takes a while for that to happen. Plastered all over the news is the Bonnie Sweeten story...the one about the mom that faked a kidnapping...supposedly embezzled money and took her daughter to Disney World. Both the mom and daughter were found safe and sound...Bonnie is now sitting in jail and facing charges. Sure, the story is sad...odd...tragic...my heart goes out to the father - but at least he knows his daughter is alive, and hopefully mom gets the mental health treatment along with the consequence she deserves. The thing that gets me is all concerned in this story ARE ALIVE...SAFE AND SOUND (well, kinda) ...but little 5 year old Neveah Buchanan from Monroe Michigan is STILL MISSING!!!!!!! And has been since May 24th - and how do I know this?????? Well, it's not been from updates on the news....I've had to hunt the updates down on the n