Thankfully Chewed Up and Spat Back Out!

So, I had an idea. I've been wanting to hold again workshops for journaling to heal - I get quite a few survivors reaching out to me on any given day, they mainly need just someone to hear them, know they exist as they work through all those conversations and debates in their heads. Those spinning thoughts we either address or shove away, down with all the emotions that go with them. Because of this I thought it would be nice to have a weekly support group, online, and one where you can see and interact with others - a support group via video conferencing. No barriers, easily accessible. I searched out options for hosting these endeavors and found a few, but to do it properly and where we'd have all the features I need, it comes at a cost. Truly it is not much, but more than I have at the moment as I am dealing with some chronic health issues and cannot be out in the workplace. How do I accomplish this all?  How can I make this happen?  A long while ago I made a p

I've spent that last few months doing quite a bit of soul searching. I am in a new city, able to make a fresh start, and march down any path I see fit for my life. I am in the position many dream about. Now mind you, my health is not the greatest. My body is in chronic pain. It can be exhausting. So, whatever path I do decide to take I need to keep all of that in mind. This soul searching endeavor of mine has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. I finally finished the Learning to be Free - Guided Journal for Survivors of Trauma . It was not an easy task as my fingers no longer cooperate. I am on the verge of finishing up When I Became Free-Stories of Survival. Now I know I have the skill set to take advantage of penning those two books, the long list of public speaking and advocacy work I've done over the last 20 years, along with the fact I was editor of a newspaper and a reporter for over a decade, and push all of that and bill myself as some guru of self help. I c

I was just seventeen years old when I boarded the plane in Chicago heading to Germany. I was traveling by myself and to somewhere I had only heard about in stories from my Grandparents and my Father. I would be staying with a relative I hadn't yet met in person and I would be there for 6 weeks. I was anxious for the adventure but I was also terrified. A few months prior to that flight taking off I had a short stay in the hospital. Once again tests were ordered and doctors debated about whether or not they should yank out that ever growing spleen of mine. I was not going to cancel my trip and my surgeon knew that I was a stubborn patient. He granted me permission to go but only if I promised to follow some basic rules. I agreed but how closely I followed those rules was questionable. The cousin I would be staying with was someone I had been a pen-pal to since I was 12 years old. Andrea is 5 years older than me but quickly we became friends in addition to being family. My trip

Yesterday I wrote a post that I know infuriated quite a few people. I knew it would. A lot of it I feel needed to be said, and yes, it was to get your attention because today we're going to focus on emotions and why there is no such thing as a bad or negative emotion. If you believe there are then you are surely missing out on the messages each emotion we feel, sends. Being sad, angry, disappointed, and jealous are widely believed to be "negative" emotions - but I am going to tell you, they're not. Each one is a response to our surroundings and comes from within our core, much like the so-called "positive" ones. Our society sends mixed messages on emotions -we need to stop doing that. Here's an example of what I mean-  when someone voices or exhibits sadness, we tell them to think positive, but we don't offer tools in understanding their sadness. We don't listen to their whys. The minute you tell them to not feel a certain way you are say

It is time to get real, America. Stop with our societal false advertising. We need to stop being the dysfunctional family where everything looks good on the surface but behind closed doors abuse of all kinds are being played out. It is happening in every state, every county, every town, every neighborhood - false images, fake smiles and all so we can attempt to sell some plastic wrapped package, ourselves. I am not trying to be negative rather I am being real. There's a reason why our country is experiencing what the Center for Disease Control (CDC)  has stated in 2018, "suicide is a leading cause of death in the US. Suicide rates increased in nearly every state from 1999 through 2016." That is absolutely a tragedy! WHY? FUCKED UP!  What is happening to our society? Depressing, isn't it? Kinda blows out of the water all those "stay positive" Law of Attraction type  thoughts we're told would be our salvation. You know the ones I a

They came at me from all sides. So many different ones, from so many different sources and people - like bullets spraying towards me while I ducked and tried to find a safe place just to wait out the storm. They, were opinions, and, this all occurred when I was nearing the end of a living nightmare, the end of my marriage. I had just survived the final assault, he was sitting in jail, and the boys and I were on our path to healing. More than ever before I started reaching out to find healing. Healing from everything that had cause pain in my life. "It is time to move on..." "Let go, Let God..." "Find the positive, think positive.." "Stop talking about it..." Every time I heard those opinions or read them online, I felt like I was being pushed aside, dismissed. All the pain that was trying to come out, was being shoved back in, deeper than ever. "But...but......I AM IN PAIN! I HURT!" - is what I silently cried out. I h

If I truly want to fly free then I must face what I tell everyone else to do, be honest with yourself and find value and a voice for your story. As survivors we owe it to those searching out for hope. We need to be easily found so that they know not to give up. So with that, I want them to know that no matter where you are in your healing, it is extremely important that their own well being stays at the top of their list for tender loving care.  When it doesn't, the slippery slope will be there to escalate your fall. Should this happen, know that within you are those skills you learned- that confidence you found, still exists. Mourn the frustration you're feeling as it is the only way to rid the cloudiness disappointment creates You will survive and you will be better for it. I know this as I survived 2018. It was the year of my slippery slope. Life was getting out of control. I knew it was impacting my health. I started off the year fearful. By the end of February I had fa