Thankfully Chewed Up and Spat Back Out!

Potential  - is a word that is often thrown about without ever realizing and dissecting what it truly means. For victims living in domestic violence that word and it's meaning is not discussed, and rarely, if ever, is it truly understood. I dedicate this post to anyone living in such a situation because I am going to lay out just exactly the potential each and every one of you have - it's there, trust me, despite what others and yourself may think You have strength beyond compare - You're not weak,  lazy, needy nor inadequate. How can I say this without knowing you personally? Because I know if you're living with abuse in your life that you are living in a war zone. I know you wake up hoping that the day will be better than the last one - I know that you juggle so very much in an attempt to keep the bombs from exploding - your shoulders may feel slumped down, but they are strong despite how battle worn your soul may feel ...you keep your family together the bes

I was fixing lunch today for my boys and I started thinking about the little things in my childhood that happened and set me up to becoming a victim more times in life than I would like to share. Perhaps prompting those thoughts was a phone call I received yesterday evening from a male family member. Who is not important - what the communication was about, is. He was attempting to insert himself into my life and in a roundabout ---controlling way...dictate to me my path as a survivor of domestic abuse and how I should "feel" in regard to my abuser. Evidently what prompted that call was a letter he received from my now ex husband complaining about the lack of access he has to his children from time being spent in prison for a crime committed against me and them. As I explained to this family member I've never kept the boys from their father - not once. If they choose to communicate, then they may do so - it must be their decision I will not force the issue one w

On a day filled with frustrations the sky tonight reminded me how perfectly flawed life can be. I spent most of the day attempting to attain an answer to a simple question in an effort to provide information/resources to people we help at Circle of Hope - what I received in return was a typical bureaucratic nightmare of a response ...long winded words putting together sentences that amounted to nothing more than frustrations and, of course, no real answers. It reminded me of when I was the person reaching out for help only to be treated like a number without a name - that horrible feeling that all that mattered was the system/process created by people without a clue to real human needs in an imperfect situation. Then came another situation where my patience was tried - another curve ball aimed at someone who is trying to walk (metaphorically) a straight line when they've been stuck on a chaotic merry go round their entire life - a slight stumble caused yet another path, a rocky

Usually I would just chalk my experience up to "Another day in the life of Eva." But, this time- this blatant disregard for another human in need, well, this time it's eating at me.  SOCIETY? WTF HAPPENED TO YOU?  I guess that question has been building up in me now for a couple of weeks and today was the tipping point - I just cannot contain myself - I need to vent.  Let's rewind -over the past couple of weeks I have tripped over hurdles, and crashed into barriers after barriers when trying to find resources for clients in need - I've listen to ignorant rumors and judgments that basically relayed a message not to help people at the bottom of life's roller coaster ride - they weren't worth the time nor the energy. Usually those comments do not get to me but in some recent situations I cannot help it - they did. Then today my children and I were the ones in need - and society, for the most part, ignored us. Ignored us as we sat on the side of

For the last almost 4 years I've tried to close my ears to gossip and comments about those who may get help through Circle of Hope and our programs - Lend a Hand and Grateful Hearts. Believe me when I say it's not an easy task. There's a lot of talk that floats around this small community and that's despite our efforts to squelch it. I hear comments such as - "So, I hear you're helping #(#($) - I wouldn't do that...did you know blah, blah, blah?!" "I'll help anyone but not THAT one!" etc..etc...etc.. I hear these comments and bite my tongue so much that I think one day part of may tongue may get swallowed. Here's a fact - with poverty comes problems - there will be some drama, there will be bad decision making - there may be addictions - domestic violence and plenty of fuel for the gossip fire. Poverty is not pretty - not every story out there will be a Hallmark Hall of Fame moment. If you work with people in poverty

Nothing gets on my nerves more than when people let rumors dictate their actions and judgments. I suppose that is when being my father's daughter surfaces more than at any other time. I will confront, and I will stand my ground in making a point - especially if I am seeing someone else being victimized or about to be harmed by the chatter. In my job I am told quite a bit off the record - In my volunteering clients will reveal things to me as we work through their needs. Often they open up and tell me things I never wanted to know, and not because I am disinterested but more because once you know, you can never erase that information. It is a huge responsibility to keep that confidentiality - especially when the woman sitting across from me tells me about or shows me her bruises. Shares with me information that if rumored about would not only ruin her, but those who are close to her. Over the years I have heard just about every confession you can imagine - those personal sec

It is that time of year again when homelessness is usually the last thing on society's mind - It is summer! Time for family vacations - Outings out to the lake  - BBQs and other events The last thing people want to hear about is that summer can be just as deadly as winter for those without a roof. However, that's a reality for many of our fellow residents - The other part of that reality is donations to organizations like ours tend to slow down in the summer months, leaving us little resources to share with those in need. So please, if you can, spread the word to remind all that even during the "fun" months there are people, including children, dealing with homelessness or the threat of it. We can use all the monetary donations we can get! We can also use donations for our Grateful Hearts program to help those who are homeless and cannot cannot get into shelter, or who are struggling with bills and cannot afford a simple thing like a fan to keep them

Well, a family from Indiana beat me to it! Just a couple of weeks ago the Slusher family boarded a camper to head out on an adventure - they're heading west from Indiana with a goal of making it to the State of Washington. It was just a few months ago I sat down with my youngest son, Kyle, and we dreamed up an adventure of our own, one like the Slusher family are now in the midst of. Like the Slushers we wanted to board a camper, travel this summer across the country, making stops along the way to participate in and share with all we could, the stories along the way - stories of real life - the nitty gritty tales of people working hard to overcome obstacles and the communities   out there banding together to help one another coast over those barriers. This past week I met this family living out one of my dreams - they're in Mauston, WI. and helping local charities and/or individuals and families by volunteering their time, taking in the world they're visiting and

It was seven years ago this month  - Seven years ago when my life took a turn down a tumultuous road that almost broke me - financially, spiritually, emotionally and physically. Seven years ago I was sitting in my home not knowing how I would ever survive what was before me. I had two young boys counting on me - my eldest son at the time was just 12 and my youngest was 8. Looking back it seems like a lifetime ago however when I blink if feels like yesterday. I didn't have a car in working condition - no job to wake up to - my mother had just passed away six months prior and my husband was not to have any contact with me..he had just been arrested the 2nd time in a few short months for domestic abuse - we were separated physically, and spiritually. The marriage was over. It was before I knew about food stamps, child support and the food pantry. It was during a time I mentally was that middle class stay at home mom, but living a single mom's life in poverty. The pennie

Amazing what you find when you clean the dungeons of yours home -found a bunch of good info from a Domestic Violence Advocacy Training - I'll share some here in case anyone wants to save them for your own records and working with victims - Mandatory Arrest Checklist (Wis. Stats)   http://sdrv.ms/16wtDxB  Break ing The Silence - A Training Manual  for Activists, Advocates  and Latina Organizers http://sdrv.ms/16wvyT3  Wisconsin Office of Justice Assistance -  Wisconsin Prosecutor’s  Domestic Abuse  Reference Book http://sdrv.ms/16wxKd1 When Battered Women   Stay… Advocacy Beyond  Leaving http://sdrv.ms/16wziUx Fifty Obstacles to Leaving (below) A download in pdf

We all get down - watch this video, and the next time you think you can't do something  - remember this girl!

They grow up too soon. Today we are celebrating my baby boy, Kyle, turning 15 years old. He is far from that baby who once had to be snuggled up with me at all times. I look at this picture of him with this llama and am in awe at how fast time flies. The picture was taken in what seems to be just in a blink of an eye ago but when I count the years it was 6 of them...in those 6 years he has grown from a sweet nine year old child to a teenager larger than most men I know. Knowing Kyle is an experience all it's own. I may sound like I am sitting here with nothing but the sentiment of a mother watching her growing wings, however in all actuality there's a part of me wondering just what the next three years will bring - you see - Kyle - is far from average or predictable. For years now I've questioned just how I would make it through his childhood - and not because he is a troublemaker but rather because his mind goes and grows at such a rapid pace it leaves all around h

We read the headlines in the paper  - some of us turn our eyes away while others of us read every word. Child Sexual Assault - It is a crime that for many is unimaginable. Our most innocent having their light ripped from them. And, while the crime itself makes me cringe - it's the legacy that will be left from it's evil grip that makes me sick - That legacy can be seen woven into the fabric of every community, regardless on who the victim is - or who the guilty are. Child Sexual Assault touches all of us. The destruction it causes can be seen in our classrooms from the child acting out - or that quiet one sitting in the background and slipping through the cracks in the system. Untreated victims will do anything to keep the psychological scar of child sexual assault from hurting - some turn to alcohol - some turn to drugs - some cut themselves - others devour everything in sight - and then some punish themselves by not eating anything, a slow suicide. Without treat

A must see! It's the one question that is asked over and over - Why does she stay?