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Showing posts from December, 2009

My New Year's Thank You

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T his has been the year to experience some joy..some pain.. Because without it the human spirit cannot gain... It cannot gain the knowledge it needs to go on.. On to a different path, steps forward..a new dawn. However, before those steps I take are to be made.. There are some "thank you's" that must first be paid.. Gratitude shown to the lives in my quest of living life.. The people who have provided smiles in midst of strife.. Some of you may have been far..physically distant.... Though the emotional support shown was always lovingly consistent.. Others may have been with me...in the present... the here and now.. Ears open...eyes knowing...my venting you did listen to and willingly allow. Then there were some who provided me with a mental distraction.. A game of cat and mouse fulfilling a challenging satisfaction. Twisted messages sent, and received giving way to new days.. Spider webs filled with smiles thrown into a wordy hazy maz

A belated birthday wish

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Today is my mother's birthday, had she lived should would be turning 72 years old. Mom died in November of 2005 - it was unexpected and sudden. That day, that cold November day, changed my life in more ways than one. My mother was a rather interesting woman. Married twice, she gave birth to 5 children...4 of which came from her first marriage, and me from her second marriage. For many years I did not understand why my mother kept an emotional distance from everyone...her children, and now as I realize, herself. I did not get the daily hugs like the ones I give my own children...."I love you" was something I rarely ever heard come from my mother's mouth. While to the outside world we looked like a happy family behind closed doors there was a sadness that penetrated everything...everyone ..in our home. As a young girl all I ever wanted from my mother was approval....and I would do everything and anything that was in my power to attain it. I was the "good girl&qu

A Pay it Forward Christmas...

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The Christmas Clues came all month long.....a month filled with constant motion ..chaos...stress...and deep inside me the usual holiday dread. Those clues helped to divert my attention away from the emptiness that has been in me for the last few years.... Those memories of a large family coming together where I was the hostess for all the holiday feasts....the memories that usually remind me of the last few years and how much the boys and I have lost when domestic violence entered our home...and what destruction it left in it's wake. Yes, the clues had me looking forward to time that in the last three years or so I would wish I could close my eyes around mid-November and wake up on Jan 1st - yes, me...the one time overly merry hostess had turned bitter towards the holidays. This is the first year in a very long time that I have actually looked forward to Christmas.... That Secret Santa...and those elves....must have known that I was dreading another Christmas...another holiday in

2 Clues....3 stories...all in 1 day

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This morning I wrote about yesterday's and Monday's Christmas Clue s - after that I headed out to the Lend a Hand office to hand out the last of the donated toys to parents with children in need...and also to make sure loose ends with those we were helping were tied up before Christmas. Yesterday Kris had worked with a woman in which we were able to find a Christmas sponsor for her teen children - that sponsor dropped off the gift cards at my house last night, and today I got the chance to see just how deeply it touched that mom. The mom ...a single mom...was a victim to a layoff. Struggling already that layoff hit her and her children hard....and did so on the holidays. Holidays are hard enough for many people...especially those who find themselves feeling isolated, and forgotten...top that off with a layoff....well, needless to say that Mom had a lot on her mind, and worry in her heart. As soon as I got to the office, I phoned her and told her it was time to pick up those

Christmas "Clues" Eve....

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This  weekend I was feeling like a child - a child that couldn't stand the wait until Christmas. The anticipation of seeing the magic that takes place in a child's eye. The reason for this is because of the month of " Christmas Clues " the children and I have received. My curiosity was getting the best of me, and it felt like Christmas would never come. I just knew the week would drag and the days would be long....really...I didn't think I could stand the wait. On Monday I went to the Lend a Hand office asthere were toys to be distributed and people to help. Another volunteer was going to be there, Kris...and I thought we would have time to start working on the protocol so we could start bringing in other volunteers to train....... Time was something we didn't have..... The phone started ringing off the hook...... The buzzer to our back door entrance rang so much it started sounding like a holiday tune... The need was so

So this is Christmas,,,,,,,

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It's become my own little reporter's tradition. Every December I sit back and watch...I keep my eyes alert and my heart open to that one story that I know will capture the spirit of the season - that one piece in the Christmas issue of The Messenger of Juneau County that will make the readers cry. It started the first year from an article about an interesting older man...a man with more than a lifetime of stories, and how his passion is restoring clocks....To me a story like that was the best way to ring in the new year..... The next year it was about the small rural community of Orange and their annual Christmas party in a old two room school house. My children and I attended it that year...the year our Christmas was preparing for court dates....events that would eventually lead to their father going to prison for his actions against us. This small community comes together every year and has a party in that school house of yesteryear. Children wear their Sunday's best ..

Christmas Clues Continue.........

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Another Christmas Clue...Dec. 16, 2009 Speechless...yes ....I am! Yesterday, another Christmas Clue came in the mail. This time we opened and read it on the way to taking Kyle to the doctor. Both Kyle and I have been ill since Sunday evening...however thinking that the worse of it was over by Monday evening....Kyle and I, both, fooled ourselves in thinking we would be well enough to handle a full day of work for me, and school for Kyle. By 9:00 Tuesday night we looked like death warmed over, and both of our throats were on fire. Kyle getting the worse part of the deal as now he had pink eye in not just one eye, but rather both eyes. Yup....both of us...Kyle with his need for constant interaction....and me with my need to "take on the world" ...came to a screeching halt as we both crashed into that brick wall that said..."STOP! YOU ARE SICK -GO TO BED AND GET REST!" So yesterday I drove my "mini-me" to the doctor to get that pink eye treated...and that'

Christmas Memories....

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Well if you haven't figured out by now, this strong woman....me...the rock that can handle just about anything thrown my way....is a sentimental fool. I always warn the people close to me that once Thanksgiving is over, to be prepared...prepared for me to travel down memory lane....be prepared for the Christmas songs to be played...and be prepared for the tears marking memories to flow. Anything can set it off...lyrics to a song..a line in a movie or just the excited smile of a child getting a glimpse of Santa's waiting lap. I'm not sure why I am like this, but I do know I've always been like this. The holiday season brings about memories of being a little girl. That small child sitting at my little old German Grandmother's table and helping her roll out the cookie dough as she told me stories of growing up around the turn of the century in Germany. The snowy days outside would pass by as we sat and baked. I loved those times with Grandma - I absorbed everything she

Emotions of the Season

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That right there... Holiday Affair ....is my favorite Christmas movie...and not the remake from Lifetime but the original with Robert Mitchum and Janet Leigh. BUT, thanks to Turner Classic Movies...once again, I will not be able to curl up on my couch with a cup of hot cocoa and my quilt and watch the movie that since I was a young child have made as my holiday tradition because I don't have TCM on my basic cable account. DAMN THEM! Sure I could buy the DVD, but it's not the same as waiting every year...scheduling in that time slot...the anticipation...the tradition of it all. There was a time when this movie could be found in the wee hours on t.v. as some filler...a time when no one but me understood just how great of a classic it is.....DAMN THAT TCM ! Oh well.............. Some of the other classics I enjoy this time of year is of course old stand bys ... Bells of St. Mary The Bishops Wife .....the original with Cary Grant A Christmas Carol .....any version before 1960 -

Not as EXTREME as you may think...

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See the Wish Upon A Hero wish I made by Clicking This Sentence! A couple of days ago I received an email from the Wish Upon A Hero site. In it it discussed how they were looking for people/heroes on behalf of Extreme Home Makeover to have their home redone. I immediately thought about Lend a Hand and the need in this community for not only a homeless shelter but also a safe house for those escaping domestic violent situations ...we have no shelter of those kinds in our county..... On top of it I was reminded about how just about one and a half years ago my home was being considered for the Extreme Home Makeover show. At that time I had entered it because of it's condition....as well as my condition. You see Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not a pretty thing....those damn triggers can happen at any time, and when you live in a place that has triggers everywhere you look there are days where it can be overwhelming. I still sleep in the bed where that last assault on 08/13/07 h

Christmas Mystery Solved?

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This afternoon, when I came home from volunteering with others in setting up the new office for Lend a Hand , there was yet another " Christmas Clue" waiting in the mailbox - however, unlike the last ones which were addressed to my children - this one was addressed to me. I felt like a little girl when I saw it...a little girl seeing the cookie crumbs on the plate after Santa had visited the night before....that awestruck feeling of there is really ..truly...a Santa.... This time the letter said............ Eva, Santa knows who's been naughty and nice and you fall on the Nice side. For you being good this year, Santa has given you a one night stay at the Best Western in Mauston . The reservations have been made for you and the boys to stay on Christmas Eve night. Spend the night enjoying the pool and hot tub! The elves have been busy getting the room ready - all you n eed to bring is your swimsuit, clothes and toothbrush. The hot chocolate will be waiting! S

A Christmas Mystery.......

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Ok ...I debated about writing about this when it all first started.. I wasn't sure what to make of it all... I thought maybe it was a friend having some little Christmas fun with my boys...I knew one of them had been picking up things here and there for them as was planning on giving it all to them for Christmas...but since she dropped those things off yesterday....and I made her swear on her deeply religious heart that she wasn't keeping a secret....I need to reevaluate the situation, and I thought I would clue you all in on it.............besides, you never know and perhaps there should be a written record documenting it all.... How do I begin?? Hmmm ....? Well...... It all started a couple of weeks ago. A letter came in the mail addressed to my sons. In the return address area it said "Christmas Clue." Inside was a card with a letter...I cannot find the letter but I remember it said something about it not being a "Blues Clues Christmas" and to look in the

So this is???...a new beginning

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From the safety of my home I am able to take pictures like this one....of my dog named Cody - Cody lives for this time of year. It's his season - his time to walk the yard, or bury himself into the snow while he sniffs the air, and yesterday provided him with the first real taste of this year's Wisconsin winter. The snow started mid-day and continued through the night. Blizzard warnings flashed across the t.v. screen while the brilliant white piled outside my window. Yes Wisconsin - you will have a white Christmas....did you really doubt it? With the threat of the bad weather coming I knew that it was going to be a trying week - I mean c'mon , after all it was all to occur on a Tuesday - DEADLINE DAY for the The Messenger of Juneau County. If something is going to happen it always happens on deadline day - that's a given! Yesterday morning I woke up knowing it was going to be "one of those type days" - and it started at 7:00 a.m. when I went to turn on