Smiles do come true,,,
In the mix with all this drama here in Juneau County, I am also living a real life fairy tale. I know how silly that must sound, and one day perhaps I will find words to explain it all, but until then...it is what it is. I do know that if I can ever find a way to describe it all it will definitely be a best seller!
Never in my wildest dreams did I ever believe I would meet my literal match, but it's happened - I freely admit I am a person who needs to dissect life - dive as far into a subject as one human mind can to not only understand all the aspects of it, but all the intricate details of everything around it. Call it the researcher in me - maybe I am just too damn nosey - but that is how my mind works - it needs to be constantly occupied with solving something.
Yes, I am intense.
But then again I have this really warped sarcastic sense of humor - it's a survival tactic learned over the years.
Some people get that about me...
In my blog over the last year or so you've gotten glimpses into this twisted fairy tale - at least hints to it - but I never really felt like it was time to divulge it all - and perhaps that day will never come - something as special as it is may in fact just be intended for me and that special person.
The one thing I do know is when they first walked up those stairs to my house that first time - I wasn't ready emotionally to handle it all. I thought I was - after all I do know everything (LOL!)
But truth be told I still had a lot of growing and self discovering to do.
After spending just about my entire adult life with a man that would one day do what he did to end our marriage - there was no way the pieces of me were back together again so soon afterwards - and actually I had to learn ...or I should say "discover"...who really was the real ME rather than trying to mend back the picture I once pretended to be.
Yes, this was truly my time to learn how to fly free.
And like a child walking for the first time, I fell on my ass more than once.
Tantrums were thrown...
Buttons were pushed...
But intertwined through it all was a calm nurturing voice in the background telling me I would be fine...just have some patience.
This incredible person in my life stood by the sidelines...waiting and watching.
Giving me guidance here and there...some reassurance from the distance that someone cared...but never attempted to control the direction I went into even when they knew I was making a bad choice. It was my lesson to learn not theirs to teach.
Patience...anyone that knows me, know that I am far from a patient person - and such a lesson would be the hardest one I ever learned.
He knew I needed to do it on my own - for myself - if ever I would become a woman who truly respected myself enough to know I deserved the care he wanted to show me.
I needed to stop taking advantage of myself - stop hurting myself - start trusting myself - and most importantly learn to put myself first -
That is a love that goes beyond the verbal - truly unconditional.
Yes, a real Prince Charming.
Now there are a couple of my close friends who've heard bits and pieces of the story over the last couple of years...and every time I attempt to tell them I see the perplexed looks in their eyes, and I know how out of the world it must all sound....I usually end the conversation with, "Well, I'll tell you the rest one day over bottle of wine...you'll need it to understand it."
It's hard not to want to tell someone about this special experience in my life...just I need a few more pieces of the puzzle to fall into place before I can describe the beautiful picture for what it is rather than the abstract it sounds like.
So to all you ladies who've carried with you the pains of the past...all those times when your soul was clawed at and shredded - abused and used...know that as long as you at least try to believe in yourself...keep moving forward even when the pain of the past wants you to stand still - take those baby steps..one by one...and somewhere along the way that special person will show that they've been there waiting by the sidelines for you to find yourself - and then truly only when on your own you can fly free- will you be able to appreciate just how worthy you are to achieve that happiness in your life when they are by your side.