As I write this I am looking at a mountain of clothing on my floor, wondering why I even had those items in the first place.
Why do we hold on to possessions that offer nothing to us? The same can be said for people in our lives, why do we hold on to friendships that often only serve to cause us pain and disappointment? Why do we not listen to that inner voice telling us the only reason they are around is to watch and hope you fall?
I guess I am the stage in my life where I no longer want to be weighed down by things nor people. I will always hold on to the true friends in my life, but no more to all the rest.
As I went through some of my closets something dawned on me. You see, over the last 3 decades I've treasured hunted out items from the Victorian era, a time I've often found enchanting. Going through all those items I realized that partly my love for those things was because it reminded me of my Grandma Woywod's home. A home that was filled with love and comfort.
Even back when I was a little girl I knew I was surrounded by another time era. The beautiful wooden furniture, the paintings on the wall in ornate frames, and all the beautiful china dishes. Grandma always walking around in her apron, dusting as she went by. All those treasures I've found over the years served another purpose, perhaps in my mind, I was after that feeling I had as a little girl sitting in her home, a feeling of safety and pure unconditional love. I was safe in that museum of time. No one was yelling. There was no fighting. Just Grandma teaching me how to be a housewife one day. How to cook and care for my loved ones. Lessons I will always cherish.
Cherish them I will but now I have to teach myself how to be free from wrapping myself in a safety bubble that has no place in my world of today. I have no mentors for this, there are no examples in my life, so it is a road I must pave for myself and ask myself the questions that need to be answered..
What do I want for the rest of my life?
Where do I take the lessons I have learned?
I have so much I want to do, including seeing that project of mine through, #WhenIBecameFree. I cannot do that being weighed down by things and life.
So, this weekend is the start of the purging to be free. Getting rid of the old to welcome the new. Lightening up what I drag behind with me. I am not sure where all of this is going to take me, what decisions I will make but I do know it is long overdue.
My goals for this year - visiting my best friend, Steve, in Oregon and seeing my boys in Memphis. Selling this house of too many bad memories - and downsizing to the point where if needed, I can go anywhere - simple goals.
Wish me luck.
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