Death. The threat of-

 

Death. The threat of- 

Something hit me this morning - death has been a threat in my life for as long as I could remember. It was used as a motivator in learning the ropes of eggshell walking. 

My parents were in their early 30s when I came along in the 60s. My father's only child and my mother's last. 

Her family is very large and many resided in Michigan. We took many trips up to Mount Pleasant, and a large amount were for funerals. One vacation up there an aunt of her's died while we were there- I had to be about 7 and I remember falling a part as children do when they learn about death and I didn't even know her. 

Dad's parents were older when they had him, so my grandparents seemed to be in their late 70s early 80s for my childhood- the time they were in it- Aging and death looming -

"watch what you say and do, they're old" 

My dad's first heart attack I was 9/10 yrs old.

All I ever heard - "don't tell your dad it will kill him" 

My life had death all around it before I knew how to live- 

"I'm going to kill you!" threats from volatile relatives

To when I was in relationships it changed to "I'll off myself!" "and you. "

That's a lot of responsibility for a one young person. Other people's lives. 

Then I walked around with health issues and my own fears of dying too young, and for a while, not soon enough. 

Death's darkness blocked life's light.  

Something I thought of while zoning out a bit and thought I would share in case someone can relate - 

When we walk fearing death, you cannot live life.  

Be Well 💜🌹💜🌹💜

Image above by Don N. Brey from Pixabay