(warning - below may be kinda disjointed - I've been having a hard time finding my voice in writing - there have been too many situations and stories I've been close to the past few weeks, and all of which point to responses in crimes against women - it's time for accountability - people/agencies need to take ownership for their failings and stop placing or trying to find a scapegoat - all of them do - I'm getting sick and tired of the politics of whispers and then when all the gossipers come together at the same table it's "nice, nice" time -we cannot have it both ways...everyone wants a place at the table when they are out protesting for their own rights, but they don't want things brought to the table when it involves someone else - and always WE NEED TO HEAR THE VICTIM"S Voice ...it's her road to becoming a survivor! )
The carnage is evident...blood everywhere and people moaning. The call comes in and then the call goes out to the first responders....the police, the EMTs and the fire department - all rush to the scene with their sirens blazing. The adrenaline rush pumps through their veins - they know that their response, their skills, and their actions from the minute that the call came in means life and death for the person that awaits them.
There will not be time to make judgement calls on the victim's character - morals will not be questioned and used as a factor on whether or not they will attempt to stop the bleeding and help alleviate pain. Their jobs is not to question how that accident happened, at least not in those first critical steps, no their job is to save lives - period.
Communities respect and appreciate the dedication and sacrifice of our first responders. And, that is the way it should be. After all, it is a matter of life and death - and life is too precious waste.
Somehow though...we as a society tend to lose sight of that when it comes to violence against women - or violence against intimate partners. When those calls come in, often the judgments are made before on the scene...a scene, according to statistics, that has been responded have been to many times before ..
It is a scene that may not show the blood like an car wreck does - it's a scene where the critical, internal and emotional bleeding of the victim is not known ...and even if there is a suspicion, the full extent is never known.
There may or may not be a need for an ambulance ride to the hospital - but one thing is for sure - each call of a domestic violence (intimate partner violence) is a matter of life and death and ALWAYS is a need for crisis intervention. Without it, without a proper safety net where judgments of the victim do not dictate response, the wounds will continue to bleed until there is a death - an emotional, spiritual and sadly, often times, physical death.
We, as a society, do a good job at talking the talk - Domestic Violence is Bad ...Wrong...
But, quite frankly, we suck when it comes to walking that walk and our response to the calls of help. And, unless each link in that chain of response is willing to own...claim...their screw ups ...their responsibility, rather than push it on another agency...we will have more headlines about murders and murder/suicides that should have never happened -
It's a matter of life and death -
Responses, despite who is responding - should not include:
"Joey's drunk again, and she probably mouthed off at him"
'She keeps going back, that's on her"
"She's been with him for 12 years, she knows he's an ass"
"Not them again"
Every time the response has those judgments attached, the action or lack of action has a link in the chain of safety/justice broken,,,,which then causes the next link to be weakened and by the time all is said and done, the justice system has failed a victim in the matter of life and death - which then fails all of society as the cycle continues.
For example - if a stranger came up to any one of us and started punching you in the ear, the jaw, the mouth - busting lips and causing cuts and bruises all while they tell you how they're going to kill you, would society allow for them to be charged with just a disorderly conduct? or even a misdemeanor battery? Especially when the jackass doing the crime is a repeat offender?
I cannot imagine a community would sit by and allow that happen -
But when the scenario changes to the victim being an intimate partner...a wife...a girlfriend or even a husband or boyfriend more often than not that is exactly what happens....and why? Because of the judgement during the response. No one sees that internal emotional bleeding of the victim, they're clueless on how just weak they are and the pain they carry through their daily lives. They are clueless on the real crime being committed and because it's hidden behind the fog of judgement - Abusers know this, after all they are skilled con artists and charmers.
Now some may argue that there are mandatory domestic abuse laws out there, which there are, and for the most part have helped in bringing some abusers to face their crimes - the problem is for the victims out there who are not married or living with their abusers, many of those laws do not include them - but, the power and control over them is the same - the response they receive by the justice system and society is not.
Somehow the matter of life and death seems to get lost in our walk on the path to justice -
Again - we talk the talk - but we need to do that walk and remember that EVERY step we take is a matter of LIFE OR DEATH :
Recently in the news.........
3 Minnesota Deaths Called Murder/Suicide
Sheriff Investigates Murder Suicide
Two who died in Meadville murder-suicide had dated briefly
2 Dead in Coppell Murder-Suicide, Police Say
Professor in Idaho murder-suicide had threatened another woman
I had to stop - there are far more - sadly, stories like these are increasing .........
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