"Don't get emotionally involved."
Was the warning I heard over and over when I started down this venture of addressing homelessness in my rural Wisconsin county...Juneau County.
But the thing is ..how can someone not get emotionally involved once they see it all for their own eyes? From the minute I decided to do that article for the Messenger last September - I WAS emotionally involved.
Now here it is six months later, Lend a Hand has formed and is attempting to tackle the issue of homelessness in our county- I see and work with the people so many at first said didn't exist in our beautiful rural landscaping and I am not only emotionally involved, but also intellectually frustrated by the stereo-typing I still hear everyday, as well as spiritually lifted by the glimmer of hope I see in the eyes of those so many refuse still to see.
This week was an especially moving week for me - and as I write this I find I am angry...pissed off angry....frustrated....and hopeful all at once.
Today I also realized how comfortable I am in assisting the people Lend a Hand helps - the instant connection I feel with them - they are more like me than most people I come in contact in my day to day life. We share a past filled with trauma and pain...hopes and dreams...and for some reason I am also finding that those of us who are like that, are also the ones so fearful to trust others, however we seem to trust each other. That's not happenstance - that's being real.
So yes, I am emotionally involved - you would too if you've seen and heard what I have - looked into their eyes as they recall their story...as they show you the facts of their existence. Their pains, their hopes, their sorrows, their dreams are all so strong that you cannot help but to feel it....feel them..
When all of this started I also heard over and over how these people would be the users and abusers of the system....I heard it so much that at times I even doubted myself and my belief that if anything most would have been abused and used by the system - Right now I am not sure if I am happy or not that I was originally right and all those naysayers were blind to the unknown...
This week I was honored to watch two people that we're currently helping.. go public with their own story. I know the courage one has to summon to say..."Hello World...This is My Life!" It's not an easy thing to do...to open those wounds that haunt you during the quiet times, and let others judge you for them.
Yes, this week...actually just 6 or so hours ago... I watched two brave souls do just that.....and why did they do it?? For the simple fact and as in their own words to our state senator, Dale Schultz...." hopefully one day it will help someone else."
They weren't asking for anything in return...they just told their story.......and they told me I had permission to tell it to others...so here we go...........I promised them I would...but I still don't feel comfortable sharing their names
One was a woman ...in her late 40s....
She's on disability - her income is approximately 700 per month. She's been paying to live in a motel on that income, and from time to time she cannot afford the weekly rate. The reason she has to pay for that motel room is because she cannot get on housing programs due to a felony on her record......one conviction...one mark against her...and for a crime that was non violent.
She grew up suffering abuse at the hands of others....she married a man that carried on where the abusers from her childhood left off...she made a mistake like so many who have had a lifetime of being told you don't matter, do. And now, no matter what she does...every step she takes is whisked away from under her.
She is a soft spoken woman who breaks out in tears...
She has never asked Lend a Hand for much at all...
If anything she asks how she can help us.
Alone in the world...her only companion is her dog.
Her life of poverty and abuse is a cycle that fed by stigmas and stereo-typing. No matter what she says people in professional roles doubt her before actually checking into it.......I've seen it for my own eyes - I've been told by one of those professionals..."Check it out, Eva...she's lying." and when I did just that, everything I found...the documents before my eyes...told me that she was being abused by the system - and she was in fact telling the truth, however those in the system were blind and assuming...
All she asked of Senator Schultz was to realize that there are people like her out there. People who've made mistakes and no matter what they do, how hard they try the system punishes them.
And then there is.....
A young man just a few years older than my eldest son.
He grew up learning how to survive on the streets, and in gangs.
He tried to right his life by joining the military and became a Marine..special ops.
He did his tour in Iraq, but while there he had a breakdown.
Because of his actions during that breakdown he received a dishonorable discharge
Rather than going back home to where all the bad influences were, he came here where he had a couple of friends.........
Life can be harsh here in rural Wisconsin...
After a while he found himself hopping from couch to couch to finally living in his truck off and on as his friends were unable to provide shelter in their subsidized apartments due to them being in threat of losing their roof
This young man has health issues himself...and needless to say PTSD.
When he came to us he hadn't ate in three days
We provided him with shelter while he worked with another agency to get housing...
He is still waiting for that housing and we still provide him with shelter........
When the Senator arrived at the motel this afternoon, this young man was just returning from a job interview...a minimum wage part time job interview and he was elated at the possibilities before him.
He told his story to the Senator and said..."Just remember people like me."
These two brave people are just two examples of the many stories I have witnessed in the last six months.........
How couldn't I get emotionally involved?
Wouldn't you?
I think the problem out there in our society is not enough people get emotionally involved...it's far easier to believe the hype rather than chance feeling someone's pain.
Perhaps one day I will run into a liar and abuser of the system....
But the thing is I won't know it unless I am paying attention with my eyes open and my heart willing to grow........
We need a shelter here in Juneau County...we have none.
We do have Lend a Hand and growing community support. A community that is stricken with poverty is coming together over this issue so many wanted to ignore.
But that shelter is a dream far off in the distance..........
However there is a part of me that still believes in miracles...
I go to bed every night dreaming about waking up the next day and some kind soul has generously donated a building and funds to support a shelter..
That dream is now with me every day...every waking moment , and I am sure others in Lend a Hand dream the same.......
I am still willing to donate my home, the house that holds so many triggers for my own PTSD, to become a shelter so that perhaps hope can grow within it's walls rather than the memories of pain that I have.
Crazy some may say, but I know that should that ever come to fruition that the path would provide a better and brighter future for my children and I.....how could it not?
But my home is in no condition to be that shelter...I know that....but just in case anyone IS paying attention...Extreme Home Makeover ...HERE WE ARE!!! LEND A HAND...
I wrote about that once before.......... back in December - Not as Extreme as you may think
Thank you for reading my thoughts today, I had to get them out....oh, and please excuse any typos...I am too tired to fix them tonight!!!!!
Comments