Life is not an accident

My thoughts have been deep and troubled the past few days. I've learned that my youngest child, my baby, is ill - an enlarged spleen, enlarged nodes in his abdomen tumor like things in the lining of his stomach, and alarming blood test results...and my worries over the past few months confirmed; something is going on - both he and I already knew that.

It's been a lot to take in - and there's a part of me that is super pissed off right now - I am not really sure at what, but I feel those Mama Bear Claws coming out because something....some unknown element is harming my baby.

Three days now I have cried..

I have worried...

I have dealt with my fears...

I have researched the unknown...

I haven't been able to focus on anything but what is now before us...

My concentration floats back to the fears...the worries...and the anger in me...

Tonight I reached out to a special person in my life..........

He is currently dealing with the other end of the spectrum...his father is drifting off after a long and filled life. The wait before the last farewell.........

A son wishing for a peaceful and painless end for his father...

A mother holding on for the dear life and healthy road for her child.......

Both reminders on just how fragile and wonderful life is.......

Tonight this special person in my life took time from his vigil to email me back when I asked him for words to help me get through this chapter in life.....

He gave me the slap of reality this distraught mother's heart needed.........

"thoughts mean nothing - your fears mean nothing - only your actions matter -

they have to be clear and focused on the task at hand - in my case it is moving my father closer to his death -

in your case it is doing everything you can to prevent the death of your child -

nothing more nothing less - the harsh reality is that no matter what - you have to step in step up and get it done -

i really wish there was something flowery I could say to somehow ease the situation - but there isn't - it is roll the sleeves up and get it done time - the emotions that drive you have to be turned to the task at hand - and focus on the task that is in front of you.

there are just times when there are no other options but to do what is necessary and put emotions and feelings to the side -"

And yes, he is right - all of us will get through whatever it is that is front of us...we have no choice but to deal with it. Life is filled with the unknown - we can either run and hide with our fears weighing us down to the depths of despair - or face it head on.......in the driver's seat and the example my child now needs...

But no matter what, I truly believe there are no accidents and everything does happen for a reason......especially the people that come into your life and if your eyes are open, and your heart is willing, they will in fact touch you while you move forward........in the driver's seat........

And now...for that special person ....enjoy..............