Where the road turns

I find myself wondering where the road of life will take me next. There was a time that rather than wondering, I worried if I would make the right choices. It was a worry that would keep me frozen in place - a place that was not for me as I was only existing, not living.

I've grown quite bit in the last decade of my life, and I anticipate that my growth will continue as long as I hold true to the one lesson that was hardest for me to learn and accept - I deserve to be treated with the same honesty and respect I give to others - if not, walk away.

I started that lesson the day I started this blog and telling my story - owning it for all the bad and good it contained - the mistakes, the dreams, and the fears that had built up within me after many decades of silence and ill-treatment, from others and then also myself onto myself.

This blog started out of the whispers of others talking about what they thought was my story and retelling it as if they were present for it. There was a time I would run and isolate myself so that I hid in my silence- that behavior stopped the day I started writing/living for me, and not others. Since then I've learned a lot about myself - and most importantly my story is mine and mine alone to tell - mine to triumph in, and my choice sometimes to share as guidance and a reminder to others we're all in this life together.

The day I started down that road was the day I stepped out of the shadows of fear.

For quite some time now my youngest child has urged me to go beyond this blog and write about my life, a life he says he finds fascinating.  He wants me to write a book. I tell him I have my project -

 I am still hoping to complete my project. I wanted to have it finished by now but that fascinating life took a few turns and diverted my direction. My project was to write about the remarkable survivors out there in our communities creating better tomorrows for all by using the lessons of a traumatic past to pave the way. However, a very cold winter and Rheumatoid Arthritis, finances, and a car I couldn't count on kept me from making the trek across the midwest which is essential to the project and how I feel it must be completed.

There was yet another twist in the road I thought I planned for but wasn't prepared for - and that was the release from prison of my ex-husband who had been my abuser. Circumstances around his release stopped me in my tracks for a bit so that I could battle a system that wasn't prepared for the voice of a victim during offender re-entry. I made strides in advocating for the voice of survivors, and perhaps that was all meant to be for now I have another chapter to speak about through my project.

That project is always in my head as something I must do ..must complete- a calling so to speak. A calling to show and guide others out of the darkness of trauma into a light of life yet to be fully lived and enjoyed.  So please know I am working hard to get it done, which includes bettering my position so that I can get into a trustworthy car, and have the backing I need to work it, live it, and complete it. The Heartland Project is my answer to Everything Happened in my Life for a Reason.

It WILL get done - it must get done.

Until then, until that completion, this blog will take on a new front.

A few weeks ago I received an email from a blogger who requested to be a guest writer on my site. That was the first time I have ever had such a request so it took me by surprise, and to be honest I didn't write her back. She was persistent and this week she emailed me yet again. I checked out her postings on her blog, and decided that it is in line with my own, but a new perspective - something fresh for my readers.

So, for this blog the road is turning a bit and Stephanie March will be on it with me and you.

I expect the next posting will be from her - You can see for yourself her own blog: Stephanie Sparkles

Stephanie, I look forward to reading your additions Thankfully Chewed Up and Spat Back Out!


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