Forgiveness - #WhenIBecameFree - The Heartland Project

To forgive is not to excuse, 
It is not a free pass to condone,
Nor does it pardon the offender. 

To forgive is an act of self love, 
And paves your next step towards growth,
It is sacred and should be used wisely. 

It doesn't mean those who offend should enter your life again, 
It doesn't mean those boundaries you've worked at setting should be ignored
It means you understand that carrying vengeance is harmful to your soul.  

Victims tend to not truly understand the meaning of forgiveness. Often they forgive and then allow those who abuse them right back into their lives, creating the very same drama that caused harm. Boundaries had not been set, or if they had been, they are willingly put aside. 

You know you are on the road to being a survivor when you understand you can forgive the offender although taking care of your own needs come first - boundaries remain intact, and if anything become stronger. 

I have forgiven many, but also have not allowed their toxic behaviors back into my world. That is healthy for me. I do not carry hatred, nor vengeance  towards them  -also healthy for me, When there is an attempt to draw me back into the whirlwind of drama, I tend to stand firm with my boundaries as my shield. 

It has taken me decades in understanding how forgiveness truly works, and it is something any

survivor must work at a continuum. I used to be the person who would willingly allow those who had harmed me right back into my life all in the name of what I thought was forgiveness, only to be left with deeper scars when the toxic behaviors came back, striking me down once again.

I had to learn that forgiveness and trust are two very different things. That, in fact, you can forgive someone without trusting them, because trust must always be earned. To truly trust another, first you must trust yourself, and just because you have forgiven another, that doesn't mean they have earned your trust. 

To understand forgiveness, you must trust yourself and know your own needs and boundaries. You need to keep those boundaries in place. That is when you also understand that you can only control your actions, and not the actions of others which then gives you the strength to walk away from those you do not trust, but have forgiven. That is when you trust yourself, and your wings become strong to fly free.

#WhenIBecameFree - The Heartland Project  - Learn about survivors workings towards bettering their communities by sharing their stories! 


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