Facing Fears #WhenIBecameFree

Everything Happens for a Reason
Including opportunities to face fears. One of my greatest fears seems silly to most, especially since I have written about this fear before, and at a time when I had made some strides in addressing it, but, I have yet to fully conquer it.

I am one of those people who cringes when a camera comes out. I get anxious, chatty and sarcastic in an attempt to make light of the fact that inside I am literally fighting the fight or flight reaction when a person feels they are in danger.

Bringing attention to myself with the #WhenIBecameFree  -Heartland Project is making me address that fear - one that has been in me since I was a very young child. A fear that stems from a very negative experience of having lived next to and having been a victim of a predator.

Cameras comes out and all I can think of is "frozen in time"  - not sure why the thought runs through my head, but along with it comes the memories of another child in the building I live in when I was younger. He too was a target, probably more so than I. How do I know that? Because he always wanted to play out or talk about what that predator did with him, the photo sessions - something no child 10 years old or younger should have even known about.

The story is a lot to explain, just know the scar remains.and still haunts me no matter how far I think I've come. This was evident yesterday. Yesterday I had a television news camera inches from me and internally I was fighting those memories. The reason behind that camera being there is all for the good - to help promote change in Wisconsin and bring about victim rights during offender re-entry and to share with the world about my project, #WhenIBecameFree -The Heartland Project.  A much needed step if I want this to succeed.

Mike Thompson from Channel 8000 (WKBT) is working on telling the story that should be airing in about 10 days. For this I am grateful in more ways as one. Obviously the exposure is much needed, and then there's the fact to get there I need to face those fears. I cannot say I did so gracefully. When anxious I get chatty, flighty and extremely sarcastic - Chuck, the cameraman found that out when I told him he was a woman's worst nightmare.Thankfully he had a good sense of humor.

I made it through the video shoot - I am still in one piece, and one step closer to putting my fear of cameras and those memories behind me.

Healing is process that can last a lifetime, and I've come to the conclusion that spending your life healing is far better than spending your life only hurting. Take advantage of the opportunities to face some fears, each time you make that attempt you are in control of deciding which path you will walk - the path of denial and pain or the path of truth and healing.


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