I had planned writing about those ridiculous conspiracy theories floating around and being spread by Q-Anon but have since decided I will not give them anymore life and chances to harm the true plight of child sexual assault and child abuse.
Instead of taking an investigative approach to this posting I decided I am going back to the old days of this blog -when I really didn't know why I started this but I did know I had a life lived I needed to face if I ever truly wanted to get on to the path of healing. My public journal.
Lately I've been feeling like I am existing in a state of shock. All the hurdles I've had to face, all those traumas - my children too, placed me on the path to becoming an advocate. You name the social cause other than racism, and I've probably have had it placed in my path. The one thing I always held on to was- perhaps still is - my belief that everything does happen for a reason. Keeping that in my sight helped me to find the balance from the pain I experienced with the beauty and joy of helping others find justice and get on the path to their healing journey. Included in that was the brutal, sometimes gut wrenching, posts I've written about my own life - I felt their purpose would serve a greater good - bringing about an awareness that would help us evolve and realize where and how to work on and break cycles - in the home.
We need to support families and communities to ensure they have what they need to foster healthy lifestyles, building the strong foundations for children to step out and on to for their future lives.
The concept seems so simple to me. It is the basis of Love Thy Neighbor.
A few years ago I started to feel like it was all coming together - people were finally starting to understand. Instead in walked Donald Trump with his demeaning comments towards women, his "Grab 'em by the pussy, " and the sudden normalization of locker room talk by a man who has been accused by 20 plus women of sexual harassment and/or assault. He not only received a base turning a blind eye but also encouragement to keep the hits coming.
To say I am frustrated would be an understatement. It has me wondering if all that pain, all those tears, and all those times fighting a system for myself and others,,,,was it worth it? Was it worth it to watch a true and shocking nature of people come out and gutt your very existence?
Let me tell you -the weight of it all is heavy. While at times my path has been rewarding, it was a tough one to walk - "Everything Happens for a Reason" ...kept me going, and when I stumbled and failed, learning valuable lessons, believing in it helped me back up.
But now -I just don't know. I really do not care if some of you get mad at me for saying this, but I have to- Donald Trump screams abuser every time he comes on screen, he triggers PTSD in many abuse survivors for a reason. He triggers the ones on the healing path and beacons to those still carrying secrets and wounds, those who need to feel co-dependent to get through a day. All survivors of domestic abuse know that is why once they were drawn to the creator of their nightmare behind closed doors.
My personal messages have been blowing up with people, survivors (male and female) need emotional support because this entire mess known as 2020 has busted open wounds not quite healed.
I welcome the interactions and value the trust placed in me, sometimes I take a couple of days to myself because I also need to find my own balance during these times -It is just, right now, I wonder what will happen to some of these people if there is four more years of constant triggers as resources dwindle even more than they already have? Can our society handle that call? Will I be able to keep that hope in me alive, even now every so often it flickers.
Can we really have four more years of Q-anon abusing and using the pain of victims who have not found their way yet? These propaganda groups rely on that knee jerk reaction of vile disdain when a story of child sexual assault is placed before our experienced eyes - they know those wounds not yet healed will latch on to the distraction and need to help an innocent child over and above facing their own need for healing and care. Conspiracy theory pushers, cultist and abusers all know the game and excel at it.
The mere thought that there are people out there doing this for kicks and to abuse power and control is despicable -
So, yes, like many of you - I am weary at times -Domestic Violence does that to a person.
Be mad at me if you want for voicing all of this but know it comes from a survivor of child sexual assault, domestic violence and sexual assault as an adult. Someone who has literally gone from a middle class life to poverty over night just as the Great Recession was about to hit and on my own with two little boys who just watched their father emotionally, physically and sexually assault their mother. Two little boys who had to tell their friends their father was in prison for what he did. I experienced going on assistance for the very first time in my life at the age of 40 and then fighting to try to get off of in a tidal wave of oppression only to be hit with new health issues popping up. My boys also had to face all of that, and while my eldest who has special needs announced he was a member of the LGBTQA community and while living in rural USA.
Now I am no longer able to work, in need of health insurance while I am one of those people who is a walking pre-existing condition. I am fighting to get approved for SSDI and need to rely on my children - we are once again working as a team, except I am fighting the feelings of being a burden on them,
My entire life, everyone I hold dear and all the experiences that have taught me the lessons they have- is everything I feel he will only serve to make harder for future generations. My entire life - my Everything Happens for a Reason.
That is a hard pill to swallow.
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