My very proud German (Prussian) grandfather couldn't stand Poland and Russia - Every Polish person was called a "Polack"
He also had a few choice words for Jews and Blacks - but, he was more careful with those slips of his tongue when he was around me. I mainly caught them when he was speaking to my Grandmother in German, he'd forget that I understood more than I spoke.
He would tell you he wasn't a racist AND when around the very people he used those terms about, they'd act like best friends.
It was quite confusing for me as a child taking that all in...
In Evanston they lived on Florence Ave, just down from Hook's store. The house they rented for 30 plus years was right off the alley - the house on the other side was owned by a Polish family. They'd talk to one another all the time...friendly conversations, but I'd often also hear him call the man over there a Polack - just not within ear shot of him.
Considering the history of Germany and namely East Prussia, I can understand some of his hate and bitterness....and all of it came prior to Hitler and WWII. Grandpa moved to the states after fighting for Germany in WWI.
My father who was probably one of the most kindest men I've ever met, every so often would let the same comments he heard his father say, slip from his mouth. I truly believe he did it without realizing what he had just said....it was taught to him. Mind you, this was a man who served during the Korean War, came back, built a life up, as a Catholic married a non Catholic divorcee (for shame) and raised her three children, my siblings, as he raised me, their child together. He caught heat for that marriage, especially at first, and from Catholics in the family - his side. My mother made sure to tell me about it my entire life for as long as she was alive.
So, Daddy was not one to give in to status quo and understand fully what it was like to be judged - he fought for his fellow union workers - a melting pot of race, religion and more.
But still - and it pains me to say this - still every so often that disdain from my Grandfather's life and experiences for certain groups of people was handed down to my father in ways that weren't obvious, if anything, Dad was the rebel who took in all under his umbrella...
My mother was a racist and she didn't apologize for it - she couldn't stand Hindus or anyone she thought was one - but again - it was in passing, in the outside world. Like Grandpa, when it was a neighbor she got to knew and spoke to often, her racist views were not noticeable but if it was the clerk at the store, watch the hell out - I'd often walk away from embarrassment.
I'd like to think that I don't have racist views or have never said anything that was racist, however, seeing how these things do get passed down....even as they are watered down...they are implanted in us in our youth - those foundational bricks that are either strong or weak with cracks.
I do find I have to watch myself whenever speaking about Russia, specifically - I listened to my grandmother's stories of her family and friends dying at their hands in masses at the end of WWII - the ache in her heart was real - her pain that could not be eased was felt by me in those moments.
Growing up I struggled with all of that, especially once I had a better understanding on world history and travesties placed upon others for being born who they were and then knowing that probably my ancestors took part either by being active with hate or complacent, turning a blind eye.
I hope that any lingering effects from the original core - my Grandfather and even before him, continue to be watered down. I do try to make a solid attempt at being aware, but lately, I have to admit, with the news and how the Russian government has invaded our world, sometimes I can still hear my grandma's voice shake as she told those stories - in those moments "Damn Ruskies" may trip out my mouth and I find myself apologizing and taking ownership for using a term that judges all and not the individual.
Growing up in Evanston in the 70s I saw a lot. I witnessed my black friends face racism more than once. I can still hear my mom saying to a very confused 8 year old that white girls play with white dolls, and that is why she wouldn't get me a black doll - When all I wanted was for my friend Patsy to be able to have a doll that looked like her when she came over to play with me - I wanted them to be like both of us,
Ignoring that racism exists or has caused great lingering pain will not erase it - we have to own it - all of it - even our roots where it has affected our lives.
After all, we're all human and that is a bond no one can take from us -- unless we allow them to.
Comments