Acceptance — when it really matters

March 08, 2024

Acceptance — when it really matters

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My youngest child is getting married in October. The young woman who agreed to this union is a beautiful human being. I am filled with joy and pride in how our family is growing.

They both are working towards their dream of being able to live off the music they create, together and individually, while also working fulltime jobs to support that dream.

I’ve had box seating in watching their relationship grow as if it wasn’t for them along with my other child, and a childhood friend of theirs my little healthcare adventure of the last 5 years would have been non existent. They’ve helped to support me as I applied for Social Security and sought out physicians and healthcare that would treat me the patient, and not some text book I’ve never fit into. I live with the band, Super Brick.

Not the ideal for a young couple to grow together in, but these two have aced life lessons many of us do not have until our middle years and have done it together. They are in their mid-20’s. When I first met my future daughter-in-law she was just 20 years old and it was on the morning I rolled into Memphis from Wisconsin, literally collapsing from the pain I was in, still in need of medical assistance and recovering from a surgery that left my face slanting while nerves were healing.

Not ideal.

To top it it off it was December 23, 2018, just as other families were getting ready to celebrate Christmas at their parents, my children were opening their door to me — in that condition.

Not ideal, perhaps Dicken’s like, but who really wants to be stepping out of those dark moments off those pages?

Humbling, yes.

Those who know me know my life has had many wild turns, interesting moments, tragedy and laughter and most importantly growth. In that moment I didn’t feel like I was growing, rather that I was shrinking away.

Having spent almost two decades in a rural conservative Wisconsin county as a single/divorced mom going through the hell of ending an abusive marriage and trying to raise two kids while living off of poverty wages reporting on the community when you’re known as that Liberal “do-gooder” who does have a natural assertive Chicagoan personality…well…

Yeah — it was fun and while I did meet and befriend some genuinely good hearted souls, there were many who targeted me for one of the many reasons listed above — did I mention we’re also an LGBTQ friendly family as my other child is a member of that community, having come out in that rural town…

Yeah, the list of whys grow…

Why there were periods of clicks, you remember what those are, would form for reason or another and take their stabs at me. It came with the job, it came with being a domestic violence and sexual assault advocate, it came with being a Mom proud of BOTH her kids, it came with sheltering the homeless, and helping those addicted find hope — almost every step I took, I made, there was a reason. Not to mention I didn’t belong to a church and labeled a witch.

I never did any of the things I’ve done in my life because of who other people were, I’ve always done the things I’ve done from listening to my heart, injured as it was at times leading to some mistakes made, it has always been my motivator. I don’t know why. Believe me, I’ve tried to turn it off because it is not always fun.

Needless to say when I did get to Memphis and met Bethany I was a little fearful of being myself. I mean c’mon, are you paying attention? I can be intense and live through some rather surreal situations. Not to mention I then found out she came from an Evangelical family — her family was very involved in church and mission work.

The once Catholic mystic labeled witch in me was terrified that if her parents knew my truths, including our broken family and all the trauma there had been, they would forbid her from seeing Kyle. Would they assume I was lying about my health issues, like so many back in Wisconsin had spread rumors about?

To say I was insecure ..well…wouldn’t you be?

When we did meet I met two extremely pleasant and genuine human beings who may have been curious about me however their arms were open and together we’ve learned about each other and our families.

Guiding those conversations was watching our children fall in love and grow up together through some trying times. Then they started creating music together, and I guarantee you wouldn’t find a prouder set of parents watching their babies up on stage. We beam, together.

All of this grew in our families as the country around us was falling apart with hate and division. I don’t know how we’ve managed to keep this gem of hope growing and protected, but other than to say to it started with acceptance.

Acceptance that each of had a past where our spiritual beliefs and faith had been attacked for assumptions.

Acceptance that we came at life from those beliefs and witnessed it with those perspectives, including where on the political divide we may fall.

Acceptance that we do not discuss politics even though we’re fully aware of what the other person’s viewpoint may be, even if if polar opposites.

Acceptance our children have chosen one another and we know we each raised them with love and us being the best parent we could be with what we knew.

The best part, the part that matters the most is because of that acceptance, unspoken, we’ve been able to watch their love grow and what a beautiful experience it has been.

Sometimes you have throw caution and the bricks of those walls created to protect from harm, to the wind…I mean toss those mothers as hard as you can.. and accept what is front of you for what it is…a chance to grow. A learning experience. Life.

There is always a chance for better tomorrows.

Now…I need to get that right leg and the nerves in it healed so I can dance with my Baby Boy at his wedding!

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