April 03, 2024

Healing Hearts an outloud journal post.

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Healing hearts, or I should say the desire to, comes with admitting one’s own wounds which are in need of repairs. I’ve spent the past couple of weeks appearing to be quiet but really I was just doing some internal work while my body adjusted to a switch in medication to combat autoimmune flares.

A few years ago I would have tried to push through such a thing and not allow my body, and even my mind, a chance to go through what it needs, I would have pretended I felt fine when I didn’t, thinking that made me strong. In reality such behavior made me weaker and landed me where I am today.

Anyway, that lull allowed me to do quite a bit of thinking, planning and decision making. Right now the money raised for the Healing Hearts kickoff campaign is sitting in Go Fund Me — no withdraws made as I am waiting to hear back from an organization and person I trust to take those funds and get them where they need to be, to address crisis intervention for those experiencing a housing emergency, including victims fleeing domestic violence.

I am targeting Juneau County as a kickoff because I do actually care about the place after spending all those years there and through one of the most trying periods of my life. I do know firsthand from the domestic violence and sexual assault survivor's perspective on what it is like to maneuver the systems and resources when you’re trying to break free in a rural county of around 26k where everyone THINKS they know your truth.

I also know it from a reporter’s eye of almost 13 yrs covering everything from crime to quilt shows. I have literally watched a generation of children growing up in the county’s schools — taking their photos and seeing their excitement in knowing they would be in the paper.

I watched some of their little excited, innocent faces, grow into sad withdrawn frowns- I knew why because the volunteer/advocate in me probably had already helped their parents with crisis intervention as the reporter in me had to cover their criminal case of a parent or both. Then, sadly, there’s been a few of those kids who ended up in the very same defendant seats.

When you witness something like that knowing full well there we so many avenues for a community to step up but funds and sometimes attitudes based off of false rumors and twisted truths, prevented some assistance intervening along with the lack of funds…. well, call it codependency if you want to, I call it empathy. I understand the dynamics from walking it from all angles, unfortunately.

And yes, I’ve been harmed by rumors flying for whatever reason and I am sure some of those who have shared in spreading them now wonder if I am out for revenge.

I’m not.

I don’t have to like someone, I don’t even have to respect them — I could have disgust in my heart for the crimes they have done and the victims they have created, all of that but I still believe they are a human being and when you see a wounded animal you understand they will lash out at the hand which feeds them, but that’s ok -it’s part, actually the start of their healing journey when they realize we all are in this together. We don’t have to lose ourselves just by agreeing that..

When someone is hungry, you offer them food..

When someone is cold, you offer them a coat, a blanket, some warmth..

When someone is in pain, you guide them to what they need..medical and/or mental health intervention..

When someone is dirty you offer them a way to get clean and look in the mirror again with dignity…

When someone needs a roof and to lay their head down in a safe environment, we don’t turn them away if we can place a roof over their head…

No judgement. Just care. Intervention during the crisis so other resources can kick in — all of which would get a boost of awareness as part of the domino effect of humanity in action.

And yes this all came about because I had to work through a lot of anger. Anger from allowing the opinion of others affect as they had when I was dealing with a medical nightmare. Anger at a healthcare system in this country that is far from being a safety net. First you are literally treated like trash applying for programs you know you can’t access for years because of the hurdles in place, and then, depending on your address and what border defines you, you may or may not get medical care while you’re in limbo…as Wall Street and for profit healthcare announce record profits.

Yes, I had anger — I’m still a bit miffed. I can either allow that anger to consume me and I take down others as I turn to ash or I can turn the tables on division and go the direction my heart tells me is the path, healing.

I’m choosing healing. I’ve had enough pain. I’ve seen enough pain. I’m tired of it and no longer want any part of it and if I can take my thoughts from wanting to inflict it on those who harmed me to healing others I can reach by telling my story and the stories of others, then I choose that…

That’s what it is — it’s not about me. It is about changing paths, healing hearts. I am not in this to make any money, that would taint my mission. All funds after any service fees go directly to the person in need of crisis intervention, period, exclamation point.

I know it is needed, remember, I used to answer those calls, even from other agencies and programs.

If this takes off then I start another campaign in another area in the same way. Our government, both sides of the aisle and Wall Street are focused on profits they make from us — that’s why PAC funds exist, to speak louder than that lone voice.

We can either keep supporting a system keeping all of us down, or direct our energy and sweat to rebuilding our communities, creating bridges to live peacefully. We can keep disagreeing about policies and all the rest but we need to remember the human in one another and stop creating victims.

I’m starting to adjust to the new medication and soon the warmth of the healing sun will help energize me. I’m healing physically and spiritually — As warned before, some weeks you will see me posting a lot and others, not so much. I’ve learned that taking pauses when needed, is not failure but rather a way to love myself by reminding myself I am human too and need the same care. I know that through all of this I will find the pieces needed to complete my own life’s puzzle. Those are my goals and always have been. This is what I always go back to no matter where I am along my journey, this is who I am and one of these times I am going to get it right because this is my faith, I believe in mankind and what we could be. I know there are others out there, we have to show our faces and voice our stories, our truths.

So I am inviting you to walk this path with me — you decide what is right for you.

Now, the other part of me is I am a shameless mom of a very talented musician and soon to be mother in law to an incredible female musician/vocalist. And this…well, yeah,it’s a shameless plug but a good one.

Super Brick