Today I was a bitch - no...really!

I take full and one hundred percent credit!

I awoke this morning feeling like pure dog crap. Not that I have a clue what that feels like...but ya know.

Let me backtrack - all this past holiday weekend I felt something coming on - I am use to allergies at this time of year so I usually just "deal" and live on OTC generic (the cheap stuff) sinus pressure medicine. It's been my way of life now for...hmmm..2 decades at least.

This past weekend was no different - couple that with the heat and humidity - I was downing those babies (sinus meds) like candy...except they didn't seem to work - they didn't have any affect on the scratchy throat that started on Saturday evening nor that twinge I was feeling in my ear last night  - so I did what I do best, I ignored it.

I have this ability to ignore pain and discomfort - it's a gift leftover from a childhood spent in hospitals and undergoing many tests and procedures as well as surgeries. However, with that little gift of high tolerance came a downside - I, as an adult, avoid doctors like the freaking plague.  I want nothing to do with them - I've managed just fine without them -until that is something gets so bad I have no choice....

Yeah, that brings to me to being a bitch today (and I take full credit for it - and yes, I am the only one ALLOWED to call myself that when it's deserved)

I woke up this morning feeling extremely lightheaded and just not right at all - I put if off to the heat we've had as well as lack of sleep I've had.

Throughout the morning I could feel pressure building in my head - I did what I do best...put it out of my mind. Then about mid way through the morning I could feel my jaw tightening up on one side and a throbbing in the bone right under the lobe. I thought perhaps it must have been from clenching it as someone...some people, that is...were irritating the ...ya know what...out of me.

So...I went and got a cup of makes everything better!

As I was pouring it I noticed in the mirror in my kitchen that my jaw was swollen - well, that's not even the word for it - it looked like it had exploded and was disconnected.

Well, that's not good, I thought

Then I got more irritated as I knew I needed to call the doctor on this one. It was about 12:30 in the afternoon by now, and in two hours I was due in court to cover a hearing.

Great! Just frigging wonderful! It's deadline day and this cannot be happening! 

Oh, did I mention that five minutes before that some butthole decided to do a prank call to my number under a private caller id?  - uh, yeah.

Anyway, that was about the time that my oldest walked in and wanted to know what I was grumbling about - then he saw it jaw....and needless to say he freaked out.

"Alright! I will call the doctor!" 

I go to my trusty computer to look up the number - cuz it's not like I would have it handy...c'mon, pay attention.

I summon up the courage to call - have myself prepped to tell the nurse that I need to get in and then out - just give me the antibiotics and let me go.

As I tell the receptionist what was wrong and I needed to get in to see that doctor of mine...the one I can barely remember how to pronounce her name....I am informed, "Oh, she's gone for six months"

"How in the hell can a doctor be gone for 6 months?" 

"She's on a what? A sabbatical? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??"

Ok, I could feel that bitchy sarcasm monster starting to come out of me ...but...luckily...the receptionist interjected and informed she could get me in right away to see another doctor or I should go to the ER considering how bad it sounded.

As much as I hate doctors, I hate ER's more.  I took the office visit.

So now I had to run around, take a shower and run over there -

Damn, someone has to pay for this! 

I get there and all I could think to myself was "in and out...just in....see the infection Doc? now give me the meds and let me and out!" 

I had the spiel down in my head...I wasn't going to sit and answer a battery of questions about my childhood hospitalizations and all the surgeries I've had - not going there...wasn't going to do it.

Yes ---the anxiety attitude was building - I was working myself up and managed to do so into a full fledged anxiety attack.

Great - now I look like an idiot on top of everything else...get me out of here! 

The nurse went about her routine - I told her she didn't have to - that there was no need for it. She looked at me like a puppy dog know the look - a confused puppy dog tilt of the head. huh?

I explained that my pulse would be chaotic that I was in the midst of a full fledged anxiety attack -

"But, you look calm - you look like you don't feel good but you look calm,"she said.

I told her to trust me, that I was a PRO at these things - "been at it for years!" 

She didn't listen...they never do - but she did confirm.."Wow, you are having an anxiety attack."

I felt like asking her if she was Watson or a twice removed cousin of Sherlock ....I refrained.

It's not her fault they don't prepare nursing students for attitudes like mine.

 Did I mention I hate doctors? Not the person ...just the experience.

Well the doctor was next to enter - I think he could tell I was in no mood - I rattled off all the answers to the questions he was forming in his head...past medical history - present condition...and yeah, I know I need to get those other things checked...I'll get around to it....answers.

He confirmed what I had self diagnosed myself as having during my ride over there - a severe sinus infection that caused an infection in my salivary gland (parotid gland to be exact)  - hence my face swelling up ...looking like it had exploded and was causing my pain in the jaw (did I mention I have a high when I say pain ...I MEAN PAIN!)

I was placed on some strong antibiotics - gave me some Xanax for that anxiety (I'll sleep good tonight) and told me to rest ...(HA! Like that's going to happen!)

He asked me if I could find my way out of the office back to the main clinic...

"Are you kidding me??....thanks...BYE!"

Off to get my meds...and back home to get back to work. ...

When I walked into my house ...I noticed an odd odor - it smelled lemon fresh -

Kyle was mopping....

Justin was cleaning....

"You looked pretty bad when you left so we thought we should clean," said one of them...which one I am still not sure....I was too stunned to notice.

"Wait, you thought I was dying and THAT's why you finally cleaned?"

And that was my day......yours?


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