Learning to be Free - a guided journal for survivors of trauma -part 3
For part 1 please visit this : Learning to be Free - a guided journal part 1
For part 2 please visit this : Learning to be Free - a guided journal part 2
EMBRACING YOUR STORY
(remember these are just prompts for writing in a journal- take and use what you're comfortable doing)
Think about the chapters in your life story. What are some that stand out more than others? Were there a few that had some plot twists? Are there any that you find you mind wanders back to more than you would like? Write a summary on one or two that do stand out the most.
How did the first chapter of your life story begin? What kind of environment were you raised in, what where the building blocks of your foundation?
The teen years are significant chapters in the story of our lives. Think about those days and some of your experiences. Are there any experiences that stand out the most? Were they negative or positive experiences? When you look back can you see life lessons in what took place?
What is the current chapter of your life like? Filled with drama? Hope? Why are you reading this? What do you hope will come from it all?
As you reflect on all the chapters of life you have lived, what emotions are you feeling? Sadness? Nostalgic? Anger? Joy? And, as you feel these emotions, do you find yourself with tears in your eyes? Do you want to quit thinking about it all? Or, are you finding that you can remember without the ache being as strong as it once was? Try to explain..
YOU HOLD THE KEY TO FREEDOM
Victims tend to not truly understand the meaning of forgiveness. Often they forgive and then allow those who abuse them right back into their lives, creating the very same drama that caused harm. Boundaries had not been set, or if they had been, they are willingly put aside.
You know you are on the road to being a survivor when you understand you can forgive the offender while also knowing that taking care of your own needs come first - boundaries remain intact, and if anything become stronger.
I have forgiven many, but also have not allowed their toxic behaviors back into my world. That is healthy for me. I do not carry hatred, nor vengeance towards them which is also healthy for me, When there is an attempt to draw me back into the whirlwind of drama, I tend to stand firm with my boundaries as my shield.
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It has taken me decades in understanding how forgiveness truly works, and it is something any survivor must work at a continuum. I used to be the person who would willingly allow those who had harmed me right back into my life all in the name of what I thought was forgiveness, only to be left with deeper scars when the toxic behaviors came back, striking me down once again. Even still today, there will be times I slip but at least this time around I know not to dwell on self hate, rather work at dusting myself off and realizing the lessons I needed.
I had to learn that forgiveness and trust are two very different things. That, in fact, you can forgive someone without trusting them, because trust must always be earned.
To understand forgiveness, you must trust yourself and know your own needs and boundaries. You need to keep those boundaries in place. That is when you also understand that you can only control your actions, and not the actions of others which in turn gives you the strength to walk away from those you do not trust, but have forgiven. That is when you trust yourself, and your wings become strong to fly free.
What are your needs for a healthy, emotionally stable and physically safe future?
Do you want to set boundaries in order to keep your needs at the foreground? If not, why not?
Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that you create to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people in your life to behave towards you. Boundaries also include how will respond when someone violates your's.
For example, I will not allow someone to enter my space and continue on if they are yelling at me. I will remove myself from the situation, leave the space or disconnect the call.
What are some guidelines/boundaries you could set in your personal and work life?
Setting and sticking to personal boundaries is a major step towards healing. As part of the process you learn not only to trust yourself but also that you are a valuable human being, worthy of tender loving care. You're learning to respect yourself and love the person you are, placing yourself first. When you do that, you put others on notice on how to treat you. Reading this statement, what emotions are you feeling? Do you feel deserving? Or, do you feel unworthy? If you feel unworthy explain why?
When you feel this way, either deserving of respect or unworthy of it, what emotions come over you? Then explain what conversations play in your head and what memories flash in your mind.
Are any of the memories connected to trauma in your life? Examples can be but not limited to: being sexually assaulted, verbally attacked, emotionally neglected, physically assaulted.
It is common for victims of abuse to hold on to shame that never belonged to us in the first place. This is especially true for victims who were abused as a child. If this is you, explain why you feel it is your role in life to carry the shame that belongs to someone else. Are you protecting someone you love? If so why is their protection more important than your well being and happiness?
If you just made it through and answered the two previous questions, take a moment and breathe. Congratulate yourself for your honesty. How would you respond to someone telling you what you just wrote?
Have you ever grieved for yourself and the abuse you have endured? Have you forgiven yourself for once being a victim? If so, what steps did you take during that process? If not, why not?
Are you ready to move forward in your healing journey?
Are you ready to try your wings towards freedom of emotional shackles?
Are you willing to let go of the shame that was never yours to own?
Are you ready to walk a path where mistakes may be made but rather than falling into a rut, you get back up and continue to grow?
Are you ready to go from Learning to be Free to explaining When You Became Free?
In part 4 we will look at writing letters to our abusers - these are letters that are never sent but help to release your story by asking the questions buried in your soul and validating your experiences.
Be sure to check back for part 4~
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