Most will tell you I don’t sugarcoat much when speaking to trauma survivors, and the reason I do that is because I appreciate knowing what I am facing rather than being lied to or considered so fragile I cannot handle knowing the truth — I treat them like I would like to be treated.
These are just some samples on how when I did volunteer and handled crisis calls, what I tried to do and be for other survivors.
Survivors, whether five minutes old from their abuse or decades later, appreciate one thing over nice words, Truth ← NOT JUDGEMENT, the two are very different in delivery and intent.
If you find yourself comparing your story to other stories of survival for any other reason than finding a bond, there are core issues going unaddressed, in you.
Comparing who had worse trauma misses the boat on healing from trauma.
Insisting someone follow what you do to heal is controlling and not allowing for that individual’s personal situation, needs, and how they process information.
Listening with the intent to tell anyone what to do, closes your ears to learning where they have been and what they may teach you.
Survivors will repeat themselves, especially if there has been dissociative behaviors. This is them coming to terms with their truth. If you cannot handle them retelling a situation, then remove yourself, politely. They are not doing it to play the victim, nor for attention. One part of their mind knows the facts, while the other is still in disbelief. The two are merging.
Religion and faith — these are personal choices. Trauma doesn’t favorite one over the other, but abusers can and will use faith and the tenets of religion as a weapon. Remember that and be mindful to not push personal faith on to other survivors.
You cannot fix them — you can only listen and provide resources and other assistance.
Burnout among counselors and advocates is especially high when working with sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse victims.
Communities should be very mindful of this and support their volunteers and service providers with as much support as possible and as often as possible. These people go home and try not to take it with them, but eventually, without proper support, they will — ask me how I know ;)
Healing is a lifelong journey — there will be ups and downs and there is NO MAGIC PILL — BOOK — Nor Guru that will “heal” You or Them. You/they will need to pull from what you/they can resource and self-help wise but remember those moments of clarity through the fog, you/they know what you/they need — then find it and be patient with the journey, as best as you/they can be.
National Domestic Violence Hotline; 800–799–7233
National Sexual Assault Hotline; 1–800–656–4673
Childhelp National Child Abuse ; 1–800–4-A-CHILD (1–800–422–4453)
HEALING HEARTS
https://www.gofundme.com/f/inject-healing-hearts-into-communities
I might be placing my vulnerabilities out there for the world to laugh at and me to be picked apart but we keep getting this wrong, why not try?
At least I want to try to place a bandaid on my branch of the family tree, I am tired of the destruction.
Comments