Glimmers through the chaos

 

Finding hope through chaos can seem like an impossible journey, and when that fog is thick, hearts are heavy to carry.

When I walked through the thick of it there were nights I didn’t want to sleep and not because I was fearful of my dreams, it was because I wanted an out and the more I slept, the less I wanted to wake up.

It is a hard reality to explain to others, all the layers there are weighing you down but those layers also provide a suffocating deceptive warmth when the world is cold, surviving abuse does that — it will have you wanting to run as it grasps your spine pulling you back, forever running in place.

Exhausting, it all is — so, how do you find and hold on to glimmers of hope?

I’m not exactly sure how those rays got through but when I needed them the most, they kept me wanting more. I think I was one of the lucky ones. Seeds planted in my head as a child somehow managed to grow through the pain of trauma. I knew, even during the roughest days, my job was to protect the child’s innocent heart life locked away long ago- I needed to protect it because one day I would need the pure love it contained, to heal.

The chaos thickened my skin and that heart beating through it kept me on a twisty walk towards self love. Two extremes but in the center was the balance.

It is in the balance where we gain speed towards growth and understanding. It is also there we notice and take in the guideposts pointing to new lessons of our evolution. Illuninating our way are those glimmers of hope. Hope planted by hearts giving love freely tending to the child, once long ago, and when we didn’t even realize our soul was a garden.

I am not sure why I awoke this morning with a need to express all of this as I just did, but I do know that for me, it is how I try to respect the glimmers of hope on my healing journey.

Take from it what you need…

And while you absorb it all I ask that you also take a moment to learn about a way I hope to take a bad situation and turn it into a gardening project…

Healing Hearts. I believe, do you?