The internet is in fact a powerful tool - this there is no doubt. It is especially true for those who seek out others to connect with over an issue or common cause. One of the very reasons I share my story is because I not only use it as a tool towards my own healing, but also because I know that one day someone will read it an feel less alone in their road from victim to survivor.
However, I will tell you that there has been some price by sharing my story, and that is it can in fact draw in the very same type of person in which I am on the road from healing from, and the crime they did to my body and soul. I knew this going in, but I have also prepared for when this does happen.
I guess I am writing this today because I feel an urge to warn those who are so vulnerable on their path to healing, that they need to remember when we are at our most vulnerable states we can in fact let our guards down to the point we may allow the very same type of abusers in again.
A double edged sword? It may seem like that, but really there are steps you can take to help you along your journey and still create that community of support that is critical for healing.
1) Only share with others what you feel comfortable in doing - this includes your identity, location, and details of your past. You don't have to give your name to validate your story or your healing.
2) Save those online communications, they are important for a couple of reasons including as a way to gauge your own healing and the benchmarks along the way - in addition to that if an unsavory character does make his/her way to you - you have a trail of evidence.
3) Remember - NO MEANS NO ...even online!!! If someone else, fellow survivor or not, cannot respect that then they are toxic for your journey!!! PERIOD!!!!!!!!
4) Use the common sense that is talking to you....listen to it!!!
Example: Joe Pervert emails me saying he is a fellow survivor of childhood abuse. He tells me what his name is - says he is looking for support from people like him. Right off the bat he goes into details of the "act" - Talks about how "hot" it is making him. He wants to know the "details" of my abuse...not the who, where, when but all the "hows" - My guard is up...red flags waving all over the place.... I tell him details aren't important - he pushes.
My advice to you is to walk away at this point - a person like this is most likely a predator...
Survivors of abuse are trusting of others they feel can understand them - it's easy to rationalize because of wanting to make that connection with someone that can understand.................
If you are that way...just know it going in...and then bring some tools with you.
Red flags are up and if they give you a name or email but you have that feeling of "well maybe I am wrong, maybe they do need support" ................look it up ...Google it....use one of the various search engines out there...predators use them, so can you to protect yourself (email me and I will share with you the list I use) . Most likely you will find that your common sense was right and they are in fact lying - then you have the reassurance that many of us who have been abused find we need when vulnerable.
You'd be surprised at some of the things I've found out through those searches...where they have posted in the past....etc...etc..One day I will write a book about the creeps out there.
Others who have never been abused, or are vulnerable may not understand why you don't just walk away from the get go at that first red flag. It's something we all have to teach ourselves to do - a lesson we never learned before and it doesn't happen over night.
Just remember there are many good people out there, many people who can be the TRUE support you need on your path to healing - combine that with other interventions...counseling, support groups...etc...etc..
NEVER LET ONE REPLACE THEM ALL!!!!!!
Survivors....there is so much more I would like to share in this post, however at the same time I don't want to provide tools to the wrong people - please feel free to email me if you are having doubts and red flags about something and are fighting your own self doubts -
However, I will tell you that there has been some price by sharing my story, and that is it can in fact draw in the very same type of person in which I am on the road from healing from, and the crime they did to my body and soul. I knew this going in, but I have also prepared for when this does happen.
I guess I am writing this today because I feel an urge to warn those who are so vulnerable on their path to healing, that they need to remember when we are at our most vulnerable states we can in fact let our guards down to the point we may allow the very same type of abusers in again.
A double edged sword? It may seem like that, but really there are steps you can take to help you along your journey and still create that community of support that is critical for healing.
1) Only share with others what you feel comfortable in doing - this includes your identity, location, and details of your past. You don't have to give your name to validate your story or your healing.
2) Save those online communications, they are important for a couple of reasons including as a way to gauge your own healing and the benchmarks along the way - in addition to that if an unsavory character does make his/her way to you - you have a trail of evidence.
3) Remember - NO MEANS NO ...even online!!! If someone else, fellow survivor or not, cannot respect that then they are toxic for your journey!!! PERIOD!!!!!!!!
4) Use the common sense that is talking to you....listen to it!!!
Example: Joe Pervert emails me saying he is a fellow survivor of childhood abuse. He tells me what his name is - says he is looking for support from people like him. Right off the bat he goes into details of the "act" - Talks about how "hot" it is making him. He wants to know the "details" of my abuse...not the who, where, when but all the "hows" - My guard is up...red flags waving all over the place.... I tell him details aren't important - he pushes.
My advice to you is to walk away at this point - a person like this is most likely a predator...
Survivors of abuse are trusting of others they feel can understand them - it's easy to rationalize because of wanting to make that connection with someone that can understand.................
If you are that way...just know it going in...and then bring some tools with you.
Red flags are up and if they give you a name or email but you have that feeling of "well maybe I am wrong, maybe they do need support" ................look it up ...Google it....use one of the various search engines out there...predators use them, so can you to protect yourself (email me and I will share with you the list I use) . Most likely you will find that your common sense was right and they are in fact lying - then you have the reassurance that many of us who have been abused find we need when vulnerable.
You'd be surprised at some of the things I've found out through those searches...where they have posted in the past....etc...etc..One day I will write a book about the creeps out there.
Others who have never been abused, or are vulnerable may not understand why you don't just walk away from the get go at that first red flag. It's something we all have to teach ourselves to do - a lesson we never learned before and it doesn't happen over night.
Just remember there are many good people out there, many people who can be the TRUE support you need on your path to healing - combine that with other interventions...counseling, support groups...etc...etc..
NEVER LET ONE REPLACE THEM ALL!!!!!!
Survivors....there is so much more I would like to share in this post, however at the same time I don't want to provide tools to the wrong people - please feel free to email me if you are having doubts and red flags about something and are fighting your own self doubts -
Comments
Thanks so much for sharing these valuable points!
Blessings dear one!!
C
Convincing at first - they know how a victim thinks...
But soon the holes in their stories appeared. And, needless to say their info they "swore" was true, didn't check out.