A couple of days ago I received an email from the Wish Upon A Hero site. In it it discussed how they were looking for people/heroes on behalf of Extreme Home Makeover to have their home redone.
I immediately thought about Lend a Hand and the need in this community for not only a homeless shelter but also a safe house for those escaping domestic violent situations...we have no shelter of those kinds in our county.....
On top of it I was reminded about how just about one and a half years ago my home was being considered for the Extreme Home Makeover show. At that time I had entered it because of it's condition....as well as my condition.
You see Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not a pretty thing....those damn triggers can happen at any time, and when you live in a place that has triggers everywhere you look there are days where it can be overwhelming.
I still sleep in the bed where that last assault on 08/13/07 happened...where I was emotionally, physically and sexually assaulted for over an hour long and in front of my boys....my boys who tried desperately to come to my aide against the father they loved.
I walk into my kitchen I can still see my kids cowering under the table the night my ex came here drunk and threatened to rape and kill me....there are times I can still see my sons' eyes....that fear they had in them and how my heart broke (still does) that this trauma was now in their childhood.
Every room in this house hold some memory...the family room being the first place my ex husband ever raised his hand against me.
The little room by the stairs that take you up to my children's room....that was where he ripped the phone out of the wall while I was trying to call 9-1-1 during on incident - that was the room where he shoved me so hard I went flying and hit the wall near the window....the time when the air was knocked out of me and I awoke to my children over me crying thinking I was dead.
Even though I have come far in my healing those triggers are all around me and always will be. This past year I have tried everything I could to change the look of the house inside...I changed the furniture around...slapped on some paint...but still it's there..those memories everywhere I turn.
I know if those memories and triggers are there for me, they are also there for the kids.
And then there is the fear in me that when my ex gets out of prison in 6 years he will be carrying a rage of revenge in him.....and....well.....you know.....
When I was being treated for my PTSD my counselor at the time told me I needed to move away from this house......easier said than done.
Selling this place would be near to impossible in this economy and especially considering it's condition it wouldn't get a price to allow me to move on...
So....that is why one and a half years ago our house was being considered.....I had entered it when there was a call out to Wisconsin homes for the Extreme Makeover show. There were a couple of emails shared with producers of the show at the time but in the end the person granted the home had a more dire need.
So when I got that email the other day I was reminded of all of that...and all of what we are trying to do here with Lend a Hand - inside my heart I felt this is the right thing to do....
Let this house of triggers for me and my children become a place of healing for others....
And I know...somehow ...someway...if that is to happen the children and I will find a new home where good memories can be created without trying to shut out the bad.
So to the people who think I haven't thought this through....
Yes, I have and have been for a very long time....longer than you'll ever know...
Everything DOES Happen for a Reason...
Here is the video I created when I first was reaching out to form that group that is now known as Lend a Hand:
I immediately thought about Lend a Hand and the need in this community for not only a homeless shelter but also a safe house for those escaping domestic violent situations...we have no shelter of those kinds in our county.....
On top of it I was reminded about how just about one and a half years ago my home was being considered for the Extreme Home Makeover show. At that time I had entered it because of it's condition....as well as my condition.
You see Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not a pretty thing....those damn triggers can happen at any time, and when you live in a place that has triggers everywhere you look there are days where it can be overwhelming.
I still sleep in the bed where that last assault on 08/13/07 happened...where I was emotionally, physically and sexually assaulted for over an hour long and in front of my boys....my boys who tried desperately to come to my aide against the father they loved.
I walk into my kitchen I can still see my kids cowering under the table the night my ex came here drunk and threatened to rape and kill me....there are times I can still see my sons' eyes....that fear they had in them and how my heart broke (still does) that this trauma was now in their childhood.
Every room in this house hold some memory...the family room being the first place my ex husband ever raised his hand against me.
The little room by the stairs that take you up to my children's room....that was where he ripped the phone out of the wall while I was trying to call 9-1-1 during on incident - that was the room where he shoved me so hard I went flying and hit the wall near the window....the time when the air was knocked out of me and I awoke to my children over me crying thinking I was dead.
Even though I have come far in my healing those triggers are all around me and always will be. This past year I have tried everything I could to change the look of the house inside...I changed the furniture around...slapped on some paint...but still it's there..those memories everywhere I turn.
I know if those memories and triggers are there for me, they are also there for the kids.
And then there is the fear in me that when my ex gets out of prison in 6 years he will be carrying a rage of revenge in him.....and....well.....you know.....
When I was being treated for my PTSD my counselor at the time told me I needed to move away from this house......easier said than done.
Selling this place would be near to impossible in this economy and especially considering it's condition it wouldn't get a price to allow me to move on...
So....that is why one and a half years ago our house was being considered.....I had entered it when there was a call out to Wisconsin homes for the Extreme Makeover show. There were a couple of emails shared with producers of the show at the time but in the end the person granted the home had a more dire need.
So when I got that email the other day I was reminded of all of that...and all of what we are trying to do here with Lend a Hand - inside my heart I felt this is the right thing to do....
Let this house of triggers for me and my children become a place of healing for others....
And I know...somehow ...someway...if that is to happen the children and I will find a new home where good memories can be created without trying to shut out the bad.
So to the people who think I haven't thought this through....
Yes, I have and have been for a very long time....longer than you'll ever know...
Everything DOES Happen for a Reason...
Here is the video I created when I first was reaching out to form that group that is now known as Lend a Hand:
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