Spring Brings About Lessons in Love
I've always considered myself a person of high moral integrity, responsible to a fault as well as honest. Almost to a point I am sure to others I must seem anal. It's funny how when it comes to romantic love that I find myself at a lost on certain things, and often feel foolish for some of my actions, and thoughts.
Lessons in love are some of the hardest, most painful of all, lessons to learn. I guess this topic is on my mind as spring begins to storm it's way in because like anything that involves new life, and new growth...it's darkest before the dawn.
After spending almost all of my adult life with one man, one lover, I find myself now in a strange new world. A world that quite frankly is almost as terrifying as the end of my marriage was. So many forks in the road, so many choices to make, and so many mistakes to be made and to learn from. Marriage protected me from that during those "prime" dating years, I never had to face myself nor my own insecurities like I find I must do now. In my marriage I had a armor protecting me from myself, I could focus on the marriage, the children, my role as loyal wife...mother...daughter...caretaker...but the woman I am got lost in the process, and is only now being discovered for who she is, and what she really has to offer and wants.
In the last few years, especially the last one, I have been learning the difference of what it means to love someone and be with them, and then to just be with someone for the sake of being. A test I provided to myself, and quite frankly wished I had never taken it - but in the long run I know it was a lesson I needed to learn to fully understand my own emotions for what they truly are. One can make a heart soar, and the other weighs it down.
Perhaps none of what I am writing makes sense to you the reader, but it was something I needed to get out of my system today. A chance for me to get a weight off my chest, and try once again to let my heart soar, as it did not too long ago.
All in all, I have no regrets just some memories that will help provide me with guidance in the steps I take from this point on, and a couple of them I will always cherish because I know love was there - you can't mistake it once you know the difference between the two.
Yes, lessons in love can take the wind out of a person, but that's also so they have to room for their heart to take flight once again when they make the next leap. I've got my wings on, and I know which direction I am running...............now...hopefully that Prince Charming of mine has enough power in those frog legs of his to spring up and catch me should I fall!