Firsts in honor of the New Year in the Driver's Seat

Ok, maybe it's the cabin fever that's getting to me...

Maybe it's the quirky people in my life...(you know who you are)

Who knows...

But this morning I decided to conquer a fear...and thank you to Meggs at Speaking Out; I tell my truth as I owe her appreciation for the kick in the ass reading/watching her blog gave me this morning.

She placed on her blog a VLog - a video post of her...a first for her as well. She did so to put a "real person" to all the emotional ups and downs she has written about.

Like her I've been thinking about doing the same....I mean C'mon, some of the stuff I write about is so surreal that at times I cannot even believe it happened.....(you should know the stuff I don't write about...yeeeesh!)

So...after watching hers....after leaving a comment on her post....it stuck with me all day..Why the hell not do it?!?! Is the world going to stop spinning if I do? NOT!

ahhhh...but ...that fear of mine starting surging up every time I thought about it....A CAMERA!! EGADS!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!! (it is a serious fear of mine...a trigger of sorts - I've gotten better over the years on hiding the fear and what is happening inside me when I am forced to take a picture....but still...it sucks)

I am so sick and tired of that fear...over 3 decades it's been in me, and TO HELL WITH IT!

So there I sat today...on my bed - the usual spot for me when I sit and write - playing with that webcam on my laptop....

To give you an idea just how fearful I am of cameras -when I first got this laptop I use to place a piece of paper over the eye of the cam that is installed because I didn't trust that the little light saying it was on would always work...and you know...better safe than sorry!

Anyway...back to playing with the cam today - I decided to do that first VLog and start to conquer that fear.

First thing I realized is the lighting in my bedroom really sucks...either too dark or wayyyy to bright.

But the more and more I practiced getting use to the cam being on, the fear was less in me...

So............

Here is that first Vlog - and be warned....it kinda sucks, but I DID IT! WHEW!!! AND I SURVIVED! (the world IS still spinning....isn't it?)

History Shrouded in Mold - Part 1

Sipping my morning coffee I sit on my bed looking out almost century old windows and into the backyards of my neighbors. This morning was no different. The sky is grey and there is a slight chill in the air, reminding me that outside that glass is another world filled with life and adventure, stories to tell and lessons to be learned...knowledge to be gained. In other words, hope. That sentiment brings back the emotions I felt as a little girl. Then, I sat on my bed looking out the massive Victorian era windows of the 3rd floor apartment we called home. It was in the mid 70s -Evanston, Illinois. I loved being able to see into the green of the trees that lined our street. Between the leaves and branches was another world playing out before my eyes. The birds, the squirrels and sometimes even a stray cat - they lived out a day in their life without ever knowing they had an audience taking in their story. I would spend a lot of time watching them and getting to know their personalit

A Pay it Forward Christmas...

The Christmas Clues came all month long.....a month filled with constant motion ..chaos...stress...and deep inside me the usual holiday dread. Those clues helped to divert my attention away from the emptiness that has been in me for the last few years.... Those memories of a large family coming together where I was the hostess for all the holiday feasts....the memories that usually remind me of the last few years and how much the boys and I have lost when domestic violence entered our home...and what destruction it left in it's wake. Yes, the clues had me looking forward to time that in the last three years or so I would wish I could close my eyes around mid-November and wake up on Jan 1st - yes, me...the one time overly merry hostess had turned bitter towards the holidays. This is the first year in a very long time that I have actually looked forward to Christmas.... That Secret Santa...and those elves....must have known that I was dreading another Christmas...another holiday in

Propane - Shame on you Inergy!

I know this isn't a typical post for me, but I guess with me not much is typical. The last couple of weeks I've been spending a lot of time researching and learning about propane. Propane is something I never really thought about before because I never really used it - except, maybe, once in a great while for the gas grill rusting in my backyard. However, as I said, it's now a topic I have been spending my nights researching on the Net. The reason for this is because of a phone call I received a couple of weeks ago - the person on the other end of the phone told me that a company here in my area was about to charge $3.14 a gallon for propane, while all the others were running around $1.80 for a gallon. They explained that many people don't realize what was happening, and just how wrong they thought it all was. That call came in on a Tuesday morning, the week between Christmas and New Year's....a typically very slow news week, and one where at the paper (The Mes

Thankfully Chewed Up and Spat Back Out!

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