"Yankee Doodle went to town... riding on his mother...Every time they hit a bump... he got an another brother."

Now imagine sitting in a little diner with your children....chewing (choking) on your meal as those words come out of one of your son's sweet little innocent mouth.


Heads turned...I could see people grinning...and there Kyle sat. Cute little Kyle with that precious face that endears every woman he meets. Elderly women fawn all over him...little girls follow him around...girls his age whack him with their backpacks...yes, he will be my gray hair...he is my gray hair!!!!!!

And then two minutes later Kyle says...............

"Mom, a girl socked Justin in the face the other day."

"They hit him all the time!"

I turned to look at Justin who was sitting next to me in the booth. He was grinning ear to ear. I asked myself if I really wanted to hear this ...but as I was telling myself "no" the words came out of my mouth and I was asking Justin if what Kyle said was true.

Justin: "Yup! She smacked me!"

Me: "Why did a girl hit you Justin?"

Justin: "Cuz I told her she had a huge butt."

Me: "Why in the hell would you do something like that? I've raised you better than that!"

Kyle: "She got him good! It was hysterical."

Justin: "She does have a big butt! I told her the truth!"

The "MOM" look was now glaring at Justin....

Kyle was rolling with laughter...literally...

Me: "I have a big butt! So what if she has one?!?!? Why in the HELL would you want to hurt some girl's feelings like that??? You want them pointing out the whopping zit on your nose?"

Kyle was now laying down in the booth across from us laughing so hard no sound came from him....

Justin: "SHE ASKED! She turns around ...her butt to my face...and asked if her butt was big. It was and I told her so! That's when she smacked me! If she didn't want the truth then she shouldn't put her butt in my face and ask!"

Yes, I knew he had a point....

Me: " And you wonder why you don't have a girlfriend! She was flirting with you..trying to get your attention!"

Justin: "I was paying attention....her butt was so big, how couldn't I?"

Me: "Alright...ENOUGH!! We'll talk about this at home!"

Kyle: "Another girl hit him last week!"

Me: "What in the hell is going on at the park? Why are girls hitting you???"

Justin: "I don't know...all I was doing was looking at her and she came over and slapped me."

Me: "Looking at her? You didn't say anything this time?"

Justin: "Nope. I was just looking at her. Her boobs were huge!"

Me: " Oh my GOD! Justin Luke!!!!!!!!!!!! "

Kyle: "I can't take this...I gotta go pee!"

I am not sure what happened after that...my memory is foggy from that point on. I don't even remember finishing my meal nor the drive home.

All I do know is no matter how good the coupon I have for a free meal is, I'll end up paying somehow....it's not worth the risk in going out in public....at least not until they're married and with children of their own!!!!!!!!!!


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