Damn it!!!!! Enough Already! (My poetic soul)

I've been stuck in a down mood the last week or so. Surviving is tough work damn it! Sometimes it gets to a point where it knocks the wind out you - there you are trying to stay sane in an environment of chaos.

I literally feel battered.

I've always been one to bounce back stonger, and deep down I know I will yet again. It's who I am. Some may call it strength, others may see it as drive, but to be honest with you it's pure stubborness (Thanks Daddy) - That's the activist in me.

That doesn't change the hits a woman like me suffers in the process of growing and moving forward. At points during that process you do feel battle worn - alone - and self doubts enter the picture.

Top all that off with this stinking economy crisis our country now faces - being a single mom of two kids, and no child support, takes on an entirily new meaning - one that hasn't been seen in a couple of decades. Budget cuts to federal and state programs, along with less opprotunity for jobs creates yet another form of isolation, and the feeling as it the abuse continues on even though he is out of the picture.

I guess I am in a funk right now...the a/c is broke...my washing machine broke, so handwashing every night...my muffler sounds like it's about to fall off any day...umemployment benefits are piddly...the part time job I do have writing cuts into those piddly unemployment benefits.....UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I feel better...I purged....I even chuckled a bit because DAMN I feel like I am living a Lifetime Channel movie - it just better have a happy ending , and not one of those damn bittersweet ones - I want a happily ever after one ....DAMN IT!

Earlier this year was one of those type moods. However then I was freezing my butt off, not sweating it off....which I don't know about you, but I'd much rather have it 10 degrees outside with a wind chill of 30 below than 85 with a humidity of 80 percent making it feel like it's over a 100 degrees in some sauna with no relief. DAMN IT! (see, I can't stop saying that word this week)

I went over to my MySpace profile and read some of those blogs on there before I became "official" with this one.
I don't get over to Myspace much anymore, but there are some of my vents over there on a blog...with a poem or two thrown in.

Funny that reading them did help me to remember I've gotten through tough times before, somehow, I will do it again - I thought I would share a few of those pieces below -

When laughter leaves, the silence screams
When the smiles cease, so do your dreams
Hope is buried beneath fear's heavy beams

Life's script; depression is now the theme
Remember the day with it's warm glow
Remember the hearts you've touched and know
Remember this is a chapter, although it might be slow
Look hard...peer deep...for the true friends among the foe

There's a reason for which this must all now be
There's a lesson to be learnt before you're free
You step among shattered dreams in the chaos of debris
The path will lead to a clearing, and eventually to the castle's key...............


Think about all the questions why. Think about all the times gone by. Think about all your dreams that you want to aspire to. Think about what you know and what's left to learn. Think about the emotions in your heart: from your mind is where all of life's beauty starts. Understanding, knowing, remembering, growing is it's freeway to your heart.

Lyrics of a women's soul

They say a women's heart has a bittersweet story to tell
A life lived, loves lost, and joys stored in a dream's well
The notes of her song captured in the lines of her face
A country ballad, a jazzy mix, all genres fall into place

The innocence of a childhood filled with fairies, and a prince
Perhaps innocence stolen makes her stomach churn..and wince
A teddy cuddled to the sweetness of that first shared kiss
A budding women growing while dreaming of love's sweet bliss

Then there's the heartaches her song still knows and softly sings
Forever a part of her are the memories those notes still bring
Balanced by the joys, smiles, and laughter her eyes have cried
Bitter, and sweet together they tell her story ...the one she's survived

At times you'll see her sit with a subtle gentle grace
It's then she's remembering pasts her heart's embraced
The tune her eyes sings is swiftly fast or tenderly slow
Observe...listen closely.. you will hear the lyrics of her soul

by Eva Marie November 9, 2008


Just Be Real said…
My goodness dear one, you have a lot on your plate! I am sorry that you feel depleated now and battered! Glad to see your positive attitude to regain your strength once again. I know it can be difficult, and I am right here cheering you on!!! Blessings!
Gin said…
I believe that your Lifetime movie will be one with a happy ending. It's like you said, you've gotten through the tough times before and you will again. Hang in there. I am sending good thoughts your way.
Wine and Words said…
When laughter leaves and silence screams. YES YES YES. I am here in that place. The loneliness is deafening. Drinking alone, never a good sign. I turn to the blogs and I am grateful for your post. I don't know you, but I would like to. Agreeing with you on the rather be cold thing. I look thinner when I am all shriveled up!
Nancy said…
Life can be so tough some times. When that happened to me I bought a book called Creative Visulaization by Shakti Gwain (I think thats how you spell her name - it's been a long time), and used her ways of visualizing how I wanted my life to be. Hope things get better soon.

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