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Father's Day


Ugh..


It's Father's Day and I of course am torturing myself with songs, and memories. Why do we do that to ourselves? I know I am not alone today - I know there are others doing just the same.


My heart breaks because I am unable to visit my Father's grave today or any other day, and haven't been able to in a very long time. I miss those special quiet times - I miss my Father more than words can say. He died 13 years ago, and my heart still aches as it did that morning when he passed - I guess I will always miss him that much, he was so very special to me.

The picture is of a sweatshirt my Father had made for me back when I was 18 years old, and one in which he gave to me at Chirstmas. It hangs in my closet as a reminder of the love my Father had for me, and I for him. I don't wear it, and have only a couple of times in the past. I will never get rid of it as having it there whenever I need to look at it, is like having my Father's love within an arms reach. I always felt safe when he was near.

"Daddy's Little Eva"

"Daddy's Little Princess"

I miss his laugh. I miss his rather blunt ways. I miss his stubborness. I miss his sarcasm. I miss the debates we would have. I miss being his partner in a game of Spades or Euchre, or skunking him in a game of cribbage. I miss seeing the looks on friends faces when I would introduce them to my father, and watch their eyes move towards the skies as they took in his massive frame (it was always a good laugh!) I miss his physical presence. I miss saying "Hello Daddy" and I really miss saying "I love you" as I would kiss him on the cheek goodbye.

Yes, Daddy, I miss you!

So what do I do this morning? I go over to youtube to play a song I knew would have me in tears. Again, why do we do that to ourselves? Someone please TELL ME!

The song in which I decided to torture myself with was released almost one year to the date of my Father's passing. The first anniversary of his death, and during the week we would be celebrating his birthday - so needless to say the song found a very special place in my heart the first time I heard it. A song about a father's love for a daughter...and a reminder to me that I was blessed with such a gift.





Thank you Daddy!




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Comments

Gin said…
I love that song. Your father sounds wonderful and that was a wonderful tribute to him. I missed your blog while I was out of town. I am happy to be able to read it again.
June 21, 2009 at 11:51 PM
Wine and Words said…
It is not torturing yourself. It is a continuation of mourning. The depth of your feelings for your father necessitate a lifetime where the loss resurfaces from time to time. But in those moments you also relive the sweetness of his presence, as you so beautifully described.
June 22, 2009 at 11:17 AM
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