WTF??? Another Murder Suicide?!?!?!

What the hell is happening? I wake up this morning..go about my morning routine of coffee, MSNBC and net news knowing I would hear updates on poor little Sandra Cantu.....knowing my stomach would most likely churn at the thought of what that poor little girl suffered...prepared I thought I was - Then it happens; "5 Dead in an Alabama Murder Suicide."

Forty-five year old Kevin Garner was found dead yesterday near his home in Greenhill, Alabama...he had committed suicide AFTER he killed estranged wife, daughter and two other people. Today, the day after the killings, was suppose to be the first hearing of the Garner divorce proceedings.

I don't know if it's me, and if I am being hyper-sensitive to these stories, but it feels like almost everyday I turn on the news there's another murder suicide or some child being murdered. This latest Alabama murder suicide is just one month after another one in that state where 10 people were killed.

Something I don't talk about often is I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder...a condition that is quite common with survivors of domestic violence and/or sexual assault. For the most part I have it under control with some relaxation techniques I learned about in therapy. Therapy that I went for after that last attack from my ex. Every so often there will be a trigger that brings back that anxious feeling I can't shake...and this week, it's the news.

After my ex, Tim, was arrested for the last assault, I had many professionals tell me that I was extremely lucky. Lucky because the rapid escalation of violence in our marriage, along with his alcoholism and his odd behavior after being arrested (he wouldn't let go of me..not even from jail) ...all...all of it pointed to him being a prime candidate to commit murder/suicide.

Deep down I knew that, and is partly why I audio taped that last assault on my laptop. I wanted to leave evidence behind that told exactly what happened, in case I didn't make it out alive. The weeks prior to that last assault his behavior had gotten rapidly worse. Stalking..drinking..threats. Even his once well kept appearance had begun to change....the handsome man I married so long ago had turned into a person who didn't give a damn anymore, and it showed.

His threats to kill me had gotten more intense...he was now telling me the details on how he was going to do it. He would rape me, choke me, burn down the house, and then he told me he was going to kill himself because he couldn't live without me. Part of me wanted to blame the threats on his drunken state while he issued them....but deep down I was terrified of him. I knew if that is what he wanted to do, he would find a way...no restraining order would stop him. The day of that last assault, when he held me basically hostage in my own bedroom for over an hour with my children at arms reach...I looked him in the face and saw a stranger.....someone I believed would in fact kill me.

It was well over a year before the nightmares stopped and before I stopped seeing his twisted face every night as I fell asleep. Sometimes I would wake up unable to breathe as I dreamt about his hands around my throat.

The surreal part of this story happened the next day after he was arrested. He phoned me from the county jail (still I do not know how that was allowed!) and asked me to bring him some socks and underwear...I can still hear him saying that to me as I hung up the phone.

So maybe it is I am a little extra sensitive to stories like the one that took place in Alabama yesterday..I've looked that type of mental illness and it's evil in the face. I know how easily that report could have been about some Wisconsin woman and her estranged husband that committed murder/suicide...it could have been me..it could have been my children..I am so very lucky, and grateful...and my heart goes out to the victims - I know the evil they saw the last minutes of their lives.

We have a problem in this country...and it's getting out of control.

Here's a bit of irony...today I am going to a meeting. A county coalition meeting where there will be heads of various agencies within my county...the Sheriff, Police Chiefs, Social Workers...etc..the purpose of the meeting is to address how better can our community address domestic violence and sexual assault. How do you combat the evil which it is????

Comments

sunriselover said…
I don't know how you battle it..I find it hard to comprehend ..it goes against everything I believe and I have a hard time understanding anyone who uses any kind of violence physical or mental..it's seems to be getting more prevalent or maybe it's just being covered more in the media
Just Be Real said…
This is such a sad world at times.....
I think you're right. If you didn't get out of your situation you would have become a statistic. You're so lucky to be safe now.
Their is not enough punishment to fit the crimes in this sad world and until the punishment DOES fit the crime sadly you will wake up to bad headlines on a regular basis.
There are too many disillusioned people in this world but if they had went through half what you have gone through they would not want leniency for these evil people.

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