Babbling.....too much time on my hands

This unemployed organizer/activist/advocate/writer (well kinda a writer) is going stir crazy with too much time on my hands. Don't get me wrong, I am managing to stay involved and take part in many things within my community...but still, there are many hours spent at home watching the clock tick away while my mind tries to create new avenues for entertainment and income. Not exactly an easy task in this economy ...and living here rural Dairyland, USA.

For the most part I am better off than most women in my situation of raising two boys on my own without any child support. The house I call home doesn't carry a mortgage (whew) ...just some outrageous Wisconsin property taxes...but even so my unemployment benefits are keeping us going. As much as I complain about this house of bad memories...this almost 100 year old home in dire need of repair...it is what has kept the children and I out of a shelter and in a place of our own.

You see that's the fear that keeps many women frozen in place and living in an abusive relationship...they weigh that despair and fear of no home..no income when they have already had so many hopes shattered over living on egg shells with their abuser. It's a horrible situation to be in especially when you've been beaten down emotionally and already feel useless. Top that off with the stigmas and shame of domestic violence...it's a lot to take in, and even harder to break free from.

So yes, I am lucky that I didn't have to worry about being homeless when I pressed charges against my ex husband. (background on that is here-> Thankful) It was still hard for me to do because I knew the minute he went behind bars and paid for the crime he did to the children and I, that we would suffer an additional backlash of not receiving one penny of child support and considering my youngest will be 17 by the time he gets out, I doubt highly I will ever see a penny from him. I think about that mom who didn't have a home to call her own, free and clear, and I know I have a lot to be grateful for.

Having to rely completely on myself...no mom or dad alive to call for help...has caused me to become quite creative. Thankfully I think tapping into that creative part of me has also kept my mind sane and has kept me from losing grip under the stress of it all. You should see the auction ads I can write for eBay!!!! Used car salesmen have NOTHING on me.

I will say it is amazing to me that while the past few years have been a roller coaster ride, financially and emotionally, that somehow...someway...just when I thought I wouldn't be able to pull things for another week, something happens and everything falls into place. I have to admit that despite knowing all of that, in the back of my mind I am always trying to prepare myself for the time it may not fall into place....I never want to take life for granted, especially now that I am in the driver's seat of my own life rather than allowing someone else run my life off the road.

Well I had a creative moment today...so....

Now for the cheesy shameless promotion of my latest creative idea .......................

Have you faced abuse and survived?

Are you stronger for it???

Let the world know it!!!!

Wear it with pride, and show off that sense of humor!!!!! (Hey!! It made me giggle!!!!!!!!!!!)

Also available in boxer shorts, t-shirts and other items....

Available at: http://www.cafepress.com/ChewedUpSpatOut

Ok....time for bed, I think the coffee has finally worn off. ....I think...I hope it has....

History Shrouded in Mold - Part 1

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The Christmas Clues came all month long.....a month filled with constant motion ..chaos...stress...and deep inside me the usual holiday dread. Those clues helped to divert my attention away from the emptiness that has been in me for the last few years.... Those memories of a large family coming together where I was the hostess for all the holiday feasts....the memories that usually remind me of the last few years and how much the boys and I have lost when domestic violence entered our home...and what destruction it left in it's wake. Yes, the clues had me looking forward to time that in the last three years or so I would wish I could close my eyes around mid-November and wake up on Jan 1st - yes, me...the one time overly merry hostess had turned bitter towards the holidays. This is the first year in a very long time that I have actually looked forward to Christmas.... That Secret Santa...and those elves....must have known that I was dreading another Christmas...another holiday in

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Thankfully Chewed Up and Spat Back Out!

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